Be Irresistible, Click Here Jubilee put out a “Split Decision” video where daughters and their mothers have to get brutally honest w...
Jubilee put out a “Split Decision” video where daughters and their mothers have to get brutally honest when prompted by a series ...
what it is what's up welcome to the show I'm your host Amala epoi and today we are going to be reacting to another Jubilee video you know what time it is this one is the daughters get brutally honest with their mother's Split Decision hosted by none other than kot Takahashi shout out to the Jubilee team uh we love the channel here of course um and we're going to do something a little different in reacting to Split Decision which we don't normally do on this show but again this is mothers versus daughters getting brutally honest they get a prompt to which they have to answer yes or no and then explain themselves and I guess some of these motherdaughter relationships are giving toxic hence the title and uh hopefully we get some healthy stuff in here as well of course we have Taylor in Nashville hey yeah happy Wednesday everybody I kind of feel like I'm chilling today because it's a bunch of female drama the women on the hot seat usually it's there's something coming after the the straight white maale and today I just kind of get to sit back and observe so I'm here for it you're not part of a motherdaughter uh relationship so we're going to figure that out today also we are going to put Taylor in a in full screen for you guys to see him there but yeah so we're going to be reacting to this Jubilee episode let me get it pulled up for you uh and here we go this is going to be BR daughters get brutally honest with their mothers and let's start it well she used to to take my phone when I was in Middle School and go through it so how of and in high school how often very often sometimes our closest relationships are the toughest ones we're about to impact the most defining relationship of Our Lives dude cot Takahashi he is meant to be on like The Bachelor or something they need to hire him he's meant to be the host for those of us who have no idea who he is can you give me some context yeah Kat Takahashi he's a jubilee staple he like hosts some of these shows that specifically Split Decision he's the one who's always like in the the battlefield when he's giving them the prompts and going through them but he just gives great he does he does he gives reality show TV host Vibes I'm cot Takahashi and today's episode of split decision is about mothers and daughters can mothers and daughters ever truly be friends let's see how close you really are are you ready everybody yes let's do this I feel responsible for your happiness make your split decisions in three 2 [Music] 1 go ahead and turn around okay Rachel let's start with you you feel responsible for your mother's happiness we're very like connected to each other and I think um we've talked about like when she feels sad I feel sad when she's happy I'm happy artista you I feel like I I get that from a a mother daughter perspective or like any relationship perspective when you're close to somebody and you love that person it can be difficult when they're going through difficult times for you and it can sort of rub off on you I would challenge her that she shouldn't feel responsible for her mother's happiness and in a lot of ways you have to let people go off and and Lead their own lives I think from the mother's perspective bringing a child into the world there is a piece of you that is somewhat responsible for that kid's happiness so long as they're under your roof and you are sort of the Arbiter of what they can and cannot do and what they do and do not get exposed to in life there is some sort of responsibility there but at the end of it when they're an adult you know you got to allow them to lead their own lives make their own choices and that ends up being their responsibility so and it seems like most of the people agree because they're they're standing on no for the most part I'm curious to hear from the people who say yes to that question you feel responsible for your daughter's happiness I do and I'm really happy you don't feel responsible for mine I just think that it's like my daughter is my total Sunshine like there's all she has to do is exist and it makes me happy and I don't know why that is now us for at the end here we say we're not we don't feel responsible for happiness I hope I have taught you everything you need to be responsible for your own happiness that's super important to me and if you're looking to me to help you feel better or expect that I should what are you going to do when I'm gone I don't I want you to focus on your own life I believe you are your own being I believe you you passed through me to be your own person and I want to facilitate that I feel like I do want to contribute to her happiness but and you do but us as her children shouldn't be the sole source CU you have to find out from she always taught us that you have to find it from within yourself so obviously I want to contribute to to your happiness not detract from that I'm I'm just not comfortable with the emotional part and and you know that when you and I get together and we talk about things we cry together it's very personal so but as far as her happiness no I do not feel responsible for Heather's happiness the goal in raising her was go live your life and I am here for everything I feel like they raised us to be really independent and to do what we want um and so I have respect But ultimately I'm going to do what I want it's my life not theirs if it comes down to just me doing something that feels authentically aligned with myself or like keeping my parents happy with how I'm living my life I'm almost always going to choose what I want to do I yeah and that's something you have to struggle with I feel like and a lot of times I guess there's different Dynamics between different parents like some some parents mothers and fathers will make you feel wholly responsible for their happiness and what happens in their life because they maybe live vicariously through their children and you see this a lot of times with parents who try to force their child down a certain path because maybe that's a path that was open to them when they were children but they didn't go down it or they never had the opportunity and in a lot of ways when you push that you you give that pressure down to your child they feel responsible for your happiness and the way that they lead their life and that's not something you want to bestow upon your child I think it's a little bit too much pressure I think a lot of parents have to realize one once you've brought a child into the world you are responsible for their health and safety and things like that and and in some degree of that is is happiness but they're also their own person and you you brought this person into the world to be their own person and to grow and develop as their own person and there maybe an extension of you biologically but they're not an extension of you in your life that you get to just like run ragged and tell them exactly what to do and unfortunately a lot of kids I think suffer through that expectation from their parents yeah I think it's worth mentioning too that like happiness is a temporary emotional state so I think it's easy to hear this and say you know are you responsible for their happiness and I know we're kind of maybe meeting that in a general sense but uh happiness is really just you'll have seasons where you feel happy you'll have seasons where you won't I think the primary thing is as a parent you want to equip your child for life for uh to pursue their own well-being to become the person that they're capable of becoming to see their talents brought to life to see what they have to offer to the world being brought in all its fullness and just helping them become that and as as well as you can and part of that's walking with them through happy times and through sad times so I think it's a little reductive to just you know think about this this question in terms of only um happiness and also one just major qualifier I think that this prompt needs is are we talking about adult children or like actual children children because that's a a big difference I guess in how you might think about these questions yeah there's much more responsibility the younger that the the child is I think and then that sort of lessens as you as children grow old and you hopefully equip them with critical thinking skills and the ability to make good choices and not like all of her decisions it may just crush me but we did our job and I am so proud of that not an ad sorry jub bye three you have invaded my privacy make your split decisions in three two [Music] one all right go ahead and turn around okay all the moms say no invasion of privacy mother say no but we got some privacy invasions up here on this side okay TAA so you felt like your mother has invaded your privacy well I know for sure that there's some some Snapchat pictures and memories that you've seen behind my back I put spyware on all my children's phones I sure did I sure did you know that that software that they're like do you think your boyfriend's cheating on you yeah I put it on all the phones I put it on all the internet um Connections in my home all the computers and uh why is she saying that so proudly I don't know we're going to have to get deeper into I feel like this this deserves a little bit of interrogation we need to ask some more questions here that's crazy you know I heard of like things like Life 360 like when I was in school I want to say maybe high school was when Life 360 really started ramping up which is an app that you can put on your child's phone to know their location and where they are at all times and all these different things and I think Life 360 has like lower settings where it's just location and then there's like more things that you can look at you guys can correct me if I'm wrong on that and I remember thinking okay I'm okay with that if you have a young kid and you need to know where they are and you want to know their location just in casee they're in trouble sure cool downloading spyware on your child's phone to read everything all the time seems a bit much for me and I always think about this as somebody who intends on being a future parent of just like what what is the line between privacy and safety for a mother daughter relationship or a mother son relationship cuz kids can get into a lot of [ __ ] you know when I was in school I was doing stuff I wasn't supposed to be doing okay I was on I would go to sleepovers with my friends you guys know the site Chat Roulette or whatever it's called like uh not not chat it's like omegal Omegle you can go on and uh you can video chat just random strangers you will literally just put in a topic uh that maybe is an interest or whatever and random strangers who have that topic on will video chat with you not okay not good for kids to be doing atep overs when they're in middle school or even high school and uh the things that you will see on a website like that not okay as a mother would I want to intervene in something like that and find out if my child is doing that absolutely so that we can have a conversation would I download spyware to achieve that goal probably not I would hope to build a relationship with my child that is uh you know reinforced enough and strong enough that they feel the the freedom to come to me with these things knowing that the response that they're going to get is one that really just cares about their safety and their health and is going to be kind and hopefully not too judgmental towards their decisions because we've all been kids and we've all done stuff that our parents should not have known about like growing up in the age of like omegal and kick and all these different things the amount of you know predatory things that can happen on the internet that kids are just so unaware of that we are constantly leaving ourselves vulnerable to is very real so I understand the propensity to want to download spyware on your kids phone but there's just so many privacy concerns uh that I think hinder the relationship hinder building a stronger relationship between you and your children yeah and I see somebody else saying like that as a minor you don't have a right to privacy legally and parents are responsible for their kids what they are doing uh until that point and that's obviously very true but it's it's just as I think what am saying and I agree is just like you have to kind of navigate that line between yeah privacy privacy and safety and uh as the older that they get hopefully your that that window of responsibility of uh individuality that you're uh opening up to them is is growing I remember it's been called in in corporate structures the freedom V you know that you get more freedom as you earn more trust essentially and hopefully as your child is growing you're giving them more opportunities to earn trust and also more freedom and if you're you're so clamped down in this like you know forget about big big brother it's big mother in this case watching your every move if you if you SE clamp down uh out of an Impulse that is a good impulse to want to have safety but but it becomes so oppressive and toxic and totalitarian then they're going to resent you for that it's going to develop a rift between you and your child it's going to cause trust issues in them and it's going to cause them to want to rebel so you have to find that line between like letting them be free to make mistakes but also having that openness and that communication and that trust between you so that uh when something when or if something inevitably happens there you can deal with it together and walk through those things together yeah the craziest kids I ever knew in school who were doing the wildest most adult activity were the ones who had the least amount of privacy amongst their parents because those kids that have no sense of of self or or like a sense of private space to go to they find clever ways to create that private space and then they're not even comfortable telling you normal things that are happening in your life so when extreme things happen they don't go to you with that either so I think it's about striking a a good balance but there's so many different pressure points on children for where bad things can happen they can get exposed to horrible things there's predatory stuff that's happening I mean I was hearing kids like are playing Roblox which is like a super popular game among little children and there's Predators on on Roblox so there's a a need I think to maybe invade privacy in a way that's very open with your child like hey I am going to check this but here's why it has nothing to do with you or what I believe you to be doing it has everything to do with outside forces that I'm concerned about that I just don't want you falling victim to in any way shape or form and maybe that makes the invasion of privacy a little bit better rather than just like throwing spyware all over your kids phone and searching through their messages and stuff there has to be some sort of I think boundary for your your child where they can be themselves and not worry about you seeing every single thing they do do you know like every website every single text every single picture every single call every single email so um daughters would you be okay with your mom looking at your emails and texts and but also it sounded like that girl did not know that her mom was doing that because she said oh yeah I think you saw a few like Snapchat messages or whatever and she saw every single bit of contact that you ever had throughout your entire childhood it's giving toxic the title holds true it's giving toxic snaps absolutely not absolutely not no I really don't like that feeling in my body it's making me feel like my tummy is feeling weird just I don't know like location I'll take that just like for safety for sure text and stuff like that I don't know I just got to feel safe somewhere even when I'm writing my journal I'm thinking about how oh after I die someone's going to read this one day and it freaks me out and like it makes me want to hold back and not say like my weirdest intrusive thoughts and so to imagine someone like having access to that without me giving that to them freaks me out well the question was asked when she was younger would you ever read my diary if you ever found it absolutely not I as a parent I feel it's my responsibility to give them that space I want them safe absolutely and there were you remember that time you were talking to somebody on I yes what happened when I was like six I was on MSN Messenger messaging some friends and a random person started messaging me and uh we started getting along and they said something like okay well I'll just I'll pick you up I have a green car we can go get some ice cream or something and you know my mom has taught me so much about stranger danger and also by this point I knew better but I went upstairs to go get changed and my whole family was waiting for me my brother had changed his name on mssn to like lure me into that situation to see how I'd react and I I was like I was just coming up to put my socks on to go play with the dogs I wasn't going and they're like we saw the messages so that I appreciated and and she's lucky too she's lucky that that was the case and I think you know what that's honestly it's a pretty good way to learn that lesson I feel like because everybody's sort of in on it it's hopefully a lesson you only have to learn one time and uh that should be that but I cannot stress like how much this happens how often this happens with with young children who are on the internet especially on social media which is why my kids are not there's not going to be no invasion of privacy I'm not going to be looking through your social media messages because you're not going to have social you're not going to have social media there will be as many other ways for you to express yourself and socialize with friends as I can possibly create for my children but we're going to not we're not going to do that and hopefully I I will teach my kids in a way that it becomes a choice oftentimes when I go around and give like speeches a lot of uh young women in particular will show up and you see some of the just loveliest young women whose parents just taught them from a young age I don't want you to have social media here's why I don't want you to have social media here's why I don't think it's healthy and because they had that open discussion about the Dynamics that happen on social media girls are fully cognizant of why that boundary exists and they don't even want social media cuz they understand it and it's an open conversation so I fingers crossed my future kids understand why that's going to be a boundary for them because it's it's going to be tough man in this age of technology to sort of hold your kids back from that it's got to be hard you send them to school and every other kid is doing all these things and talking about what they saw on Instagram or did you see this Tik Tok and you have to explain to your child why it's something that's not necessary at a time where they can't possibly you know fully understand the the extent of it so fingers crossed my kids understand I want to know why are you standing on yes I knew you were going to come to me I know I I was like making eye contact and I I saw her looking at me too well she used to take my phone when I was in Middle School and go through it so how often and in high school how often very often Z in my iPod Touch so I had to text people for my iPod touch and then and delete and then delete them when I'd be talking to a boy say I would literally say oh sorry my mom's about to take about to look through so would happen pretty often when did she stop doing that maybe 17 17 I think so yeah you could tell me if I'm wrong I remember it being I feel like that's appropriate I remember doing it yeah of course spare mom thinks that appropriate I think to a certain extent you know the but what I would prefer like when I think of my dream ideal scenario which I know dream ideal scenarios do not always exist my dream ideal scenario is that my daughter or son comes to me and is like I've been talking to this boy at school and this is what he said and you know this is the conversation that we're having and I don't need every single detail of everything that's going back and forth between these text messages just give me a general overview and we're cool we can talk about it uh rather than I have to check your phone and then you have to find a more clever way to communicate and then suddenly your text messages are not on your phone anymore they're from your iPod Touches she said and you find a way to to delete it or you're now emailing instead or you're messaging through Tik Tok and deleting the messages kids will become so clever and they're going to outpace you if you apply too much pressure to them as I said before the craziest little kids are the ones that have no privacy or they go buck wild as soon as they get into adulthood and the relief of not having this burden of a a helicopter parent on them is taken off they go nuts here's the thing when you guys were really the first generation to have cell phones we did not have cell phones and I was a mom blogger at when at the very beginning of when blogging started happening and digital world was really sort of coming alive and what were the what were the implications of it but I wasn't sure what she was taking in from the outside world and so every now and then maybe every 6 months or so every six weeks it was not it was not felt like that because you were younger time was different thank you very much that's what it's p also I also stepped to this SL because there was another thing that I think she was getting at just with the with the blogging is there's still a lot when you Google my name there's still a lot of information about me as a child online which what kind of information articles that that she wrote which is fine but it's just it's now when you Google my name and I'm 24 there's there's LA Times articles about me is it not good information or like what one of them one of them was not one of them was not great it was it was basically saying that I was a [ __ ] when I was when I was very young I feel like context is really missing for S sorry what exactly I my writing was about my perspective on parenting and sharing that experience and my perspective was that she was a [ __ ] and it was a really hard push and P because it was my livelihood and it was also their lives and at some point you guys were I probably want to say by the time you reached Middle School I stopped doing it because I felt like the stories were no longer mine to tell like when they were younger and they're talking about a story about how all the balls are getting thrown up into the tree and I end up keep buying new basketballs and there like stories like that and there were also stories about I at that time was dating my now husband we've been together for almost 18 years my second husband and so it was a lot of conversation about what it's like to be dating as a mom and how are my kids dealing with this person in my life yeah exactly and but there was also at when she was really little I was dealing with a lot of different things you had a lot of you had some occupational therapy and you had physical therapy and it was a lot it was a lot for me and I needed the outlet for it so I wrote a lot of these stories but they were always very intentionally from the perspective of how much I love my children how I am trying so hard as a parent how I'm trying to help them be great kids and in one story she is this little sister her sister followed her around everywhere loved her loved her Lov loved her and is he didn't want anything to do with her and it broke my heart cuz I'm a little sister so I really connected with it and she had I just lost it and I feel so bad about it still to this day but I wrote a story called my daughter's a [ __ ] and it's not my fault and second time second time let me let me let me let her explain herself a little bit more before we start talking and she was nine oh and I said I wasn't cry yeah I'm sorry you okay sweetie I know it was a long time ago it was a long time ago it was and it was very much I know it hurt me too and I go back and I look at it and by the way implication what you write online stays with you forever and um okay so the other lady needs to chill don't go crying on somebody else's behalf over a story like this as a little dramatic it's giving dramatic but also that's messed up uh and I understand in in from the perspective of being an adult wanting an outlet you're a mother you're going through a hard time with your kids presumably she's a writer and that's a part of her career if not her entire career and she's saying I write about my life and my kids are a part of my life therefore I wrote this story about my child if you need an outlet for stuff you're dealing with as a parent uh write in journal I don't know go to a support group uh invite your friends out to brunch or have a group of other mothers that you can talk to about your experience in parenting your child don't write a story about your 9-year-old daughter being a [ __ ] and post it publicly for people to see and she says even still you can look up her name and find this article which is really concerning I mean why were you putting your kids names in this article now I don't want to bash this mom because we're already out of the situation or whatever but it's just something to think about and I think about how this EX problem is exacerbated so much with uh social media and Mommy bloggers and people who are vlogging their days raising their children without their children's consent obviously because children cannot consent to being filmed and posted on the internet there's a predatory aspect to it there is the aspect of a digital footprint where everything that that kid does at a time where they're developing and learning about the world and themselves and going through it now that's on the internet forever because you decided that that was something that should be filmed and posted and this article that she wrote about her daughter is a very different version about than that it's maybe a less painful version because it's not filmed it's it's just a written written word but that sucks to have that live on the internet for the rest of your life when people search you especially and her mother could not have anticipated this but people search each other all the time she goes on a first date from somebody that she meets on hinge or bubble they're going to going to look up her name look up her social media find this article that you wrote not that it matters because she was a child but it's just a stamp that forever lives on your life and it's a blip on the internet that is forever just that little scratch that little itch you can't scratch for life because you decided to write an article so if you need an outlet find a healthy outlet that doesn't like live in perpetuity for your child and their entire life yeah and you can kind of tell just with the way the daughter's talking about it like obviously it's not this acute thing that is haunting her every day but it it's something that she's kind of I don't want to say traumatized by because that word's overused but like it's something that lives with her and that kind of hangs over her a little bit and she has to deal with and that's uh it's not not fair to do that to a nine-year-old and as you're talking I'm thinking you know we've talked a lot about uh like YouTube families and and people who could put their kids on the internet in that way and child stars and things like that and um this in a way I feel like the mommy blogging kind of movement was a Proto YouTube family uh situation and back with the internet was coming to be and you could maybe chalk it up to you know naivity or whatever for for parents to be posting their kids on social media as it's coming to be um but having it having it become something where it's being published in like major newspapers like the Los Angeles Times and you're bragging or at least proud of the fact that you came up with this salacious headline that involves calling your daughter a [ __ ] it's just like that that's seems like a bridge too far and I agree there was a lot of this like I was going through a lot I needed this I needed an outlet I needed to be able to channel what I was going through and that's all fair but also like as a parent you have to you're going to have needs you're going to have uh issues that come up you're going to have situations where yeah you do have you need an outlet and that's fair but also even within that you still have to prioritize your child's well-being and this doesn't seem to me like she did that yeah you got to leave them out of the newspapers if you can manage that don't write articles or post anything about your kids when I have kids there nothing about them is going on the internet nothing uh you know a story here and there that has nothing to do with who they are as people but not not photos not videos not nothing and I it was I recognize that was definitely the worst I can like feel the science in there it was the worst thing I ever but it also if you read it I was really good at clickbate titles so just know that that was the title but it was really about understanding and sympathizing a younger sister's View and the final thing of my story was Izzy was beginning to come around and that I noticed at the end of one night like you still Wen smiling and so the end note was you can lead a horse to water but you can't make her smile and um but it blew up no it just it's just something that that comes up when you like when you Google my name you might be able to find it and honestly we didn't in 2009 the internet was so different like I don't blame her at all obviously our relationship is much better now my relationship with my sister is much better I mean I was nine but it's just it's just funny because but it still follows you around like you're applying for jobs you're doing things we can't hire her she was a [ __ ] when she was nine she was a [ __ ] when she was nine but maybe they don't see the date oh January 1st 20 Di and that was like oh that was 15 years ago and I don't she's trying so hard to be so nice about it and relieve her mother of the the stress that she did this to her but you can see through the fact that it was actually you know a painful experience for her I don't I don't resent her at all for that it's I just I don't I don't love that it's it's still online when you Google my name I'm I'm sorry no it's okay there's nothing are we allowed we allowed to leave this it's okay it's okay I find it hard to be 100% honest with you make your split decisions in three 2 1 all right go ahead and turn around okay all right I'm calling you I'm I'm with kot Takahashi you're 100% honest with your parents 100% parents and kids are 100% honest I don't need to tell her everything all the time every thought that goes through my head but if I wanted to I could do you feel safe enough with me mostly actually are there things that you just don't feel comfortable sharing with your mom feel 100% safe sharing for whatever reason um um no I think I think I've like had to ease my parents into accepting me 100% for who I am and so they're going to hear about dates and they're going to hear hear that I like slept over at someone's house sometimes or last night I smoked weed in front of my mom which I don't know if I've ever done but it's just like yeah you're staying at my house and I smoke weed so I'm going to smoke uh but that feels like it's like we're just kind of inching towards 100% honesty with those kinds of things I came out to my parents about a year ago and I was really nervous about uh about their response but again I was like this is my life and you literally just got to deal with it or you're not going to be part of it and that's just that's just kind of how it goes but I am kind of like interested in my first girl and I'm curious how my mom will handle that if I end up dating this girl how do you think you would handle that if she dated girl well well if she dated a girl she dates a girl um I I love the question I get from church people will you accept your kids if they ever come out will you still love them or will you disown them that's my that's my favorite word disown black people never think about owning people so bottom line is that's my baby I've seen some black people who think they own people I don't know if that's true I don't know I get what she's trying to say cuz slavery and everything black people never think about own people people but that ain't true um but she seems like a very good Mom I I like that she ask her do you feel safe with me cuz that is that is uh a part of the mother daughter relationship that should hopefully remain intact if you got something healthy going on real quick we got a $50 Super Chat I'm going to read that we read those immediately it's from Ivory the bashful she says uh sorry this isn't related to the topic but I'd love to hear your thoughts the word homophobia made no sense to me in our current day politics a phobia is an irrational fear uh so to be homophobic you would need to freeze up keep up the amazing work yeah um I I I think phobia that's being attached to like all these different words what is it xenophobia islamophobia it's just the wrong uh what what do we call that a suffix I guess it's it's the it's the wrong suffix for the word I don't know what is a better one to put in place of that but it doesn't it certain doesn't mean that you have an irrational fear like I get called transphobic all the time I'm not irrationally in fear of in fear of trans people so I don't know what needs to change or what's a good switch out for that suffix would be uh but we need to think on that maybe I need to do a video about this in the future because I see a lot of people make this point but we are not offering an alternative to to some of these words it's a very interesting thought thank you for that super chat I may disagree with her I may not Embrace everything that she does but I embrace and I love my daughter I came to terms with it and I have to continue to comeing come to terms with it because it's it's step by step I'm not going to lie and say oh I'm fine with everything because that's what we're forced into in either or and I refuse to do that I am gray in a lot of areas when it comes to my children I want to discuss it more and more and more I may never come around 100% as long as she knows I'm still here for her 100% love that I love that response with everything in life and maybe people won't take too kindly to that in the comments uh because Jubilee gets very very liberal Watchers but that's an amazing thing to say I may not agree with a lifestyle choice that you are making but I'm here for you 100% I love you you are my daughter I want to maintain our relationship not only that she's saying I want to know more I have questions I want you to teach me why you've made this decision because it might just be something that I'm removed from and I don't yet understand I can't think of a better way to respond to something that you are apprehensive about when it comes to a child's decision then I would like to know more and if you have anything that you need to come to me with I am here for you there is this idea that I think maybe some parents get if their kid comes out to them and they're not ready for it or they don't understand or even worse than that they hate the lifestyle choice that their kid is making making that they need to cut off their kid or they don't want to hear about anything that's going on in your in their child's life simply because they don't understand it or they don't agree with it I think you can lead with having a lack of understanding or a lack of agreement but say I want to do everything that I possibly can to get to a point where I can understand with this to maybe get to a point where I can even agree with you on on this uh lifestyle choice and that's what that relationship is about you shouldn't just cut off your your child at the knees because they tell you something that you don't want to hear because you know just from a generational perspective like things are constantly going to change and there's constantly going to be things that pop up that you don't understand or you don't agree with uh that includes stuff like sexuality be open and try to understand because even if you want to influence your child in a separate uh Direction not saying that you should do that with somebody who's trying to tell you about their sexuality but if you did the best place you can do that from is a place of love and if somebody can't trust you or come to you with anything there's not there's not a good foundation to work on whatever the problem is yeah just one little thing to add would be it kind of cuts both ways too and I you a lot of times with some of the you know Social Media stuff Tik toks we react to and whatnot it seems like there's this you know cut your parents off unless they 100% right out the gate uh support everything about what you're what you're doing with your gender with your sexuality and there's room for perhaps like needing to remove and create space and relationship where there's like toxic uh control or something like that coming from your parents but if she if if your parents coming at you with this kind of energy like this spom is then I think you're doing yourself and and both of you and your families and all of society a disservice by creating this very rigid like unless you're 100% in agreement with the way I'm seeing this and and my views on this then I'm counting that as rejecting me and I'm cutting you off and you're no longer part of my family I'm going to go to my chosen family I feel like we could just have a little bit more Grace with each other and be willing to uh live in with some of that tension with some of those disagreements and misunderstandings and hopefully still be able to communicate and coexist um despite those yeah I'm like okay if my kid comes out to me as gay I'm going to be like oh okay like how how do we come to this conclusion who are you dating I want to know more do you love somebody I think like this like hard Line This Is the End of the World cuz my child came out to me with the new sexuality is just not not the way to go about it in my humble opinion and again she is her own person she's independent makes her own decisions and you're okay with that uh if I had a magic wand uh I think I would take the embracing you know rather than I feel like it's a little bit like hate the sin Love The Sinner and it's like okay sorry I'm putting words in your mouth I'm sorry that that that's that's a little of the energy I get but it's like like oh I'm not 100% cool with you being with a girl but I'll still love you through it knowing that you're not 100% backed up kind of sucks but also I am grateful that she's trying and she's come a long long way from when we were kids if I had come out 15 years ago this would be very different uh so yeah I'm good with it right now Heather your nectar profile didn't want to bother you make your okay there are times I needed you but didn't want to bother you make your split decisions in three two one all right go ahead and turn around H Rachel I'd love to start with you yeah um I I can't think of like a specific time I guess but I feel like you will do everything to come to my my rescue and and help me with whatever I need to do and and I know sometimes that like um even if it's like very difficult for you to do that but I know you have a lot you're dealing with in your own life in your own space and so I try to solve my problems on my own when I can um and then lean on you when when it's too much for me to kind of hold she's so strong like this woman is badass and she runs her own company she has all these like employees that she's bossing around and just like run in the world so of course there's a lot of like like I want to be that too and I want to show you that I can be that too and oh I'm kidding emotion andoo but baby girl it's it's it's okay to be vulnerable and ask for help and all of that other stuff so um and in some ways it makes me feel sad if that's the if the role model if the interpretation of a strong woman role model is that then you can't be soft and vulnerable then we're doing something wrong and so let's all please make a pack that just because we all have our strengths and we can all be these badass people we still get a pass at man having bad days and needing help from each other and calling so um and I think it's like me learning where my limit is and learning like okay maybe maybe I shouldn't wait to get to that limit to calling you and reaching out is it because you don't want to be a burden or you don't want to I think it's more like I I want to know that I can do it on my own and that I can solve it on my own um the burden part I don't think in that aspect like I don't think I feel like a burden to you as much um if there's anything related to a burden it's probably like I try to pay for my own things because I don't want to like I don't want you to have to hold the burden for paying for school for me or for car insurance or phone bills or stuff like she does pay for some stuff for me still and I am like so appreciative of that but I also try to like kind of take on that Financial Independence on my own as early as I could they seem to have a very healthy relationship it seems and again I love the mother's response of like just because I'm doing stuff that you perceive to be super great or whatever doesn't mean that I can't help you or that you can't be soft around me or that I don't need help it seems like they've got something going on it reminds me of like the dynamic I imagine occurs between celebrities and their children of as a child you are shaping your identity and developing and if you're growing up under this Larger than Life individual at least that's your perception as a child who is constantly being you know paraded around and loved on and they have this huge Larger than Life identity kids struggle to I think build something that gains as much notoriety or as is is perceived as being you know like powerful in response to having a celebrity kid which is why I think so many of these celebrity kids are ident Ying is like trans and non-binary or doing strange things to step out of the shadow of their parents and that could be a very difficult thing uh when you you have successful parents who are receiving a lot of praise and all that stuff so it seems like maybe that's what was going on in this motherdaughter Duo yeah and may you might disagree but I kind of picked up on a little bit of um the girl wants to prove to her mom that she can be a badass too and that's kind of what's keeping her from asking for help or feeling like she can go to her mom when she needs her and I don't think that's necessarily the mom's fault like in some toxic way where you're you're putting these bad expectations on her or whatever but it's just like you're saying in the environment that it seems like the girl's grown up with this very successful you know type a high-powered mom um and observing that she's like well I need to be like that too and I don't want to ask my mom for help and maybe internalize that a little bit which seems like she's she's doing okay with it but uh I feel like the girl should just need to know from her mom that it's like hey it's not about your performance I'm your ally I believe in you I believe you're capable of doing everything and I don't need to see you do it all on your own first I want to help you and you know I'm proud of you already and like hopefully that is kind of communicated uh in and around this because I did I do feel like that's maybe an insecurity V that girl yeah I think so I think that was that was definitely coming through in a way I think about it stresses me out to think about the things that my future children are going to absorb from me and they say that's a good sign like if you're stressed out about like what you're going to do for your kids you're probably going to be a good parent or whatever but I wonder just what are the things when my kids are this age and if we were to you know do a jubilee video like this like what are the things they're going to say I was inadequate at or like where are the shortcomings going to be or what is something that I should have showed them that I didn't and there's always going to be something there's always going to be a gap in your ability and I just like constantly thinking what is that Gap going to be and you'll try to get ahead of it and then your pursuit to to get ahead of it you'll create another Gap somewhere else it's just endless oh to be human yes oh to be human as again like another kind of sign of respect for like what you have done to raise me um so yeah I definitely get to my limits and I'm still learning where those limits are for sure um and I'm always appreciative when you're there to help me through it so cool so cute Heather your mother is on yes do you know why I think I do yeah my mom is recently in therapy can I share that too late I could you're in therapy can I share that sponsored by Better Health you do drugs can I share that everybody no I could okay but I on YouTube so it's out I am also in therapy and I think I think for years uh like once I started learning about myself I started to see the signs and my mom that like something wasn't right just growing up just something was a little off um with how we handled conflicts mostly and I just knew like there was something and I wanted her to go so badly to figure that out but um until she went I think she didn't know who to turn to she didn't want to put that on her kids uh so we didn't we didn't understand where it was coming from we just experienced the brunt of of it and it was confusing but she has told us time and time again she doesn't want to bother us the brunt of it uh uh we didn't hand handle conflict well we were a little explosive growing up and we're all getting better we've all worked on it it was loud when we were angry we got loud like uh the whole family girl same that was how it was with me and and my mom went 100% had no idea how to deal with conflict now that I'm an adult I look back at at my like teenage years and I'm thinking oh oh my gosh that is crazy I somebody should have intered and like when you're both in the space of needing help through your communication but you're communicating with one another it just does not work especially when you're a child and you you have not yet learned all these different things and I swear there is just a motherdaughter formula not for everybody some people just have like continuously great relationships with their parents but it's like you're you're young and you're a little child and Mom is Superwoman and amazing and your role model and you want to be everything that that she is then you get into a a part of life where you're infused with Independence and you're trying to figure out what your identity is and who you are and you sort of Rebel a bit from your mother and it gets a little contentious because she's sort of the gatekeeper to you building your own life at least that's the way we perceive it and then you get out of the house and you either go to college or start to experience experience adult life and something Clicks in your brain where you realize oh man my mom went through this same life the same life cycle that I'm going through right now and suddenly I'm recognizing that at this age she was raising children or you know she had this whole thing thrown in her lap that she was dealing with and there I was an ungrateful little teenager yelling at my mom because I didn't understand that she's also growing up too like we're all growing up constantly whe whether you are 2 years old or 95 years old and to be able to unlock that is a very powerful thing so the sooner you can do that uh for all the young people who are listening right now the sooner you can do that for your parents I think the more powerful and the the the stronger your relationship is going to be but sometimes you just get in your teenage years and you totally forget and life is all about you and the world revolves around you and you're so incapable of stepping outside of yourself that it starts to impact the people around you but yeah that's the mother daughter cycle unless y'all had all healthy Dynamics going on which you know congratulations I did ask you guys in the chat just out of curiosity did your family regularly yell at each other during conflicts when you were growing up and it looks like about 7030 say yes so that's uh interesting that apparently it's more common than not to have people raise their voices and yell at each other in the home yeah I feel like Taylor did you I feel like that didn't happen to did that happen to you Taylor yeah I'm going to be in the 30% I mean I've seen my parents you know lose their cool a couple times but never it was not a regular thing where people were like yelling at each other in the home uh regularly I wrestled with my brothers and stuff and we get in trouble and things like that but it was never like you know a regular thing where we're resolving conflicts through screaming at each other wow and that's on having a functional family love that for you love that for you yeah know say it yeah we had Claudia Conway on the show because and she obviously had gone viral in like 2020 for filming arguments between her and her mother and then people were calling her mother an abuser I was like if I had filmed arguments between me and my family and post them on the internet I don't know what life would look like right now and we all have all be in jail yeah right we all have stuff going on there's there's a lot of screaming going on nothing violent obviously but uh just just a lot of screaming back and forth and that's on not being able to communicate okay but now we're so much better it's crazy to get to adulthood and to build like a a great strong Rapport a healthy Rapport uh with people that you used to just go at with um and yeah that's great I hope we all get there at some point and um yeah I've worked on it she's worked on it but it was just like okay this is coming from somewhere but no one really knew where and it was yeah it was confusing MH is that what you were standing on yes for oh yeah oh yeah and I still still don't share a lot but since she talked me into going to therapy it's been awesome to talk to someone that's completely unattached and because in in the black culture and you know I'm speaking generally I don't know if everybody does it but most black families have a strong strong pecking order and who's at the top you don't mess with them you don't talk about them you don't call them names behind their backs you don't talk about your mom to your best friend you don't say that stuff and you certainly don't talk to your children about your parents of growing up you just don't do that so it's a strong uh tie on me in the Black Culture where you just do not do that yeah I think that is that is true for a lot of of black households I'm curious of from people of other races is that true for you as well I imagine it's I I imagine it just uh depends on the family that you're in but I have heard of some families where you just have people that enter a realm of being Untouchable by virtue of being who they are like in a lot of families it's like you do not speak back to your grandma grandpa ever you know like they they can do no wrong they are the seniors they are the people you listen to and there's a seniority complex that is uh present in a lot of these families there are some families that will go even to a further extreme and allow abuse to happen within their household rather than deal with somebody who has a predatory behavior going on within the household and you hear from a lot of you know unfortunate um incidences of people being abused uh you know like with domestic violence sexual violence uh young kids being molested within families sorry to go there but but is the truth and they'll go to somebody of authority within the family and because it's another family member or who's you know up there in the pecking order as she said they don't do anything about it and and uh they'll they'll turn away or turn their back on somebody who is a victim and that goes on to create further trauma than what was already imposed on this person so that's a dynamic that exists within a lot of families and it's not just the black community although I don't think she she insinuated that let me know if you've experienced the the pecking order as she says within your family and so she's talked me into going out and finding somebody to talk about talk to Izzy you do you know why your mother's on yes no I actually am very curious to hear this this is this is a shock you know this is the price I have to pay for not feeling responsible for her happiness and not wanting her to be responsible for my happiness so I'm standing here because there's no such thing as black and white and there's no right decision there's no wrong decision there's only consequences to your actions and this is the consequence is that if I share everything with you that's a lot to carry so I love this woman I know y'all are similar I absolutely love that's right I think girl best friends after this I think there's a trickle effect that exists between elders and their young parents and their children that as you get older information starts to trickle into your life of things that were happening that you never would have been able to perceive or maybe you felt the energy of as a child but didn't know exactly what was going on and then you find out because as you age it's like you unlock new spaces of adult information that you can get from your parents like you know Mom and Dad might have been fighting when you were 9 years old and maybe you sort of understood that but didn't really understand that and when you get to 16 mom says oh yeah yeah back then your dad and I used to fight about this and that and then when you get to 25 you get an even more adult you know iteration of that story and as you age you become closer to your parents because there's more that they are able to share with you and talk about openly and that barrier that exists in order to protect you as a child slowly starts to lift up the older that you get and I bet a lot of parents are so apprehensive about sharing with their kids when they age that they just never do and I think there's a lot of people who grow up and can honestly tell you I don't really know that much about my mom or I don't really know that much about my dad and you could ask more probing questions and they wouldn't be able to answer them because that boundary is reinforced so strongly within the relationship that you never get to hear more about what your parents were actually going through and a lot of kids just have to guess uh which is the hard part the the line you have to walk of what can I tell you that is healthy to share with you that hopefully doesn't impact you negatively but gives you a window into what's going on without telling you the whole story because kids absorb it if your parents are fighting or they don't like each other or there's something going on within the family and you're too young to understand it but you're also old enough to feel that something's going on that's really difficult as a parent of how much can I tell you how honest can I be without you know later on in life saying yeah you shouldn't have told me that when I was you know five or 9 or 15 or whatever the ages tough stuff like I marinate on this stuff a lot I be thinking about this stuff because there's just so much you you get to see as you you get older I actually have a question because it sounds like some of you have been through divorces or in the process in the process even better so this this has been something that was very difficult between my daughter and I again my daughter best friend love her she's so smart she was a witness to my marriage um so who better to help me through that and yet I felt that conflict of is this the right thing to talk about with my daughter do I burden her with this big decision about a divorce knowing like we have these different relationships it's her father she loves her father she's my best friend I need her I know that her voice will bring me a lot of wisdom um and and I handled it in a certain way don't know if it was the right or the wrong way but I would be very interested to know how you guys go through that like do you bring your daughters into when you went through a divorce or when you're going through a divorce do you use them as counsel I lied to her at first actually that's what I lied to them about when I was leaving their dad oh yeah you lied to her I lied to my children um when I left my husband and I told them we were going to go on a vacation and visit their favorite cousins and that they we was going to be for the entire summer so they should pack all of their favorite things I have questions how old were they what was going on in the background that's that's an interesting choice to make it's so funny cuz I'm like I don't agree with telling 100% because it can really uh taint the relationship that you have with both parents so long as the relationship with the child between both parents is healthy I'm not for you know giving the child information and saying oh your dad cheated da d da he did this he did that and now we're getting divorced because he couldn't treat me right and just burdening your kid with that especially if they have a healthy relationship with the dad I'm all for like sitting down and saying you know what Mom and Dad are unfortunately not going to be together anymore uh and it's just because we we are probably aren't meant to be together with how things are are going right now but we both love you how do you feel about the situation you know I I'd love to hear your your thoughts on that how that affect ffects you and then you you jump from from there I think giving as little information as possible in a volatile situation like that while still being honest is probably the best way to go about it but I've never been there and you know these are very different situations and I I could never say you know I'm 100% going to do this in a situation that I have no idea and each child is going to be different how much they'll understand is different how they're going to react is going to be different so maybe saying we're going on ation with your cousins is not the worst thing in the world if they're super young and you still want them to have you know a happy memory of despite what was going on at the time but we'll hear more and then I left their dad and you took my wow and I took my children and that was 2010 and we moved into a hotel how old were they ta it was pretty devastating for her too I think you were 10 or 11 we were going to go yeah I think I was 10 right after fifth grade going into sixth grade right wow what was that like for you I think something me knew cuz I was I'm I'm like a little bit older but I still was like in a little bit of denial and I was like okay cool we're going to go hang out with my cousins for the summer we do that all the time like we always come up to LA and hang out with family um but when I realized that it had happened I was like dang like we not so Summer's about to end which means I'm going to have to make all new friends yikes and I'm like this tiny little brown girl with a gap at the time cuz I didn't have braces wearing Birkenstocks and talking crazy like cuz I'm from Oregon and these people are going to make fun of me like oh this is going to be great and I think um it was devastating because I didn't know like when we were going to see my dad again were you close with him oh yeah besties besties besties and it it was also really confusing for me because my mom is like the type to like she'll never say anything bad about my dad like cuz they're also best friends they were you know what I mean and so I love that because I don't have to deal with like having to choose sides or like um um feel like I'm hearing negative things about someone who I love and put on a pedestal just as much as her um but it was confusing for me because I was like okay so we left him for good so it seems I'm about to start sixth grade um but you have nothing bad to say about him at least to us so I was confused I was hurt I was scared to make all new friends but I knew that at the end of the day like I needed to stand by you and Empower you to be feel like you made the right decision cuz I also didn't want you to have to like regret putting you first it was a really bad relationship um my ex was a really really bad partner but an amazing father and so I had to give my children the space to love us both and then try to explain to little children that it was okay and that we both loved them but we couldn't love each other anymore it was a very unsafe place for me um that my daughter sometimes had to rest rescue me from and it was um pretty painful to decide I thought I was doing had to rescue you I was I my husband beat me very bad almost to death one time and the only thing that saved me was on Tea's cell phone she called 911 oh and that's when I knew I needed to make a change wowe wow that has got to be tough I mean kudos to her for having gone through that situation and being able to step out of it and say despite the awful heinous things that this person did to me I cannot deny the fact that he's probably a healthy force on his children uh in and was a healthy father and you know you'll get in trouble for saying that you get in trouble for saying that I read some of the comments on this Jubilee video and everybody's pissed at the daughter for referring to the dad as her bestie and saying like we were besties at this time or or whatever and saying you know how could you possibly say that about somebody who abused your mother but there is like the duality of man is real it it very much is real we all have different aspects and sides of ourselves as uh people and many would would view certain sides to be heinous and evil as we view being able to beat somebody who you are supposedly love but we are complex creatures even she said you know my mom and dad are best friends despite the stuff that was going on uh within their marriage and she had to leave what was an extremely unhealthy situation yet somehow came to the conclusion that her kid should still have a relationship with him that is really really tough it's even tougher to have kids who are saying if if Dad's so great and you have all these good things to say about him or at least nothing bad to say about him then why aren't you with him anymore and not being able to share that the struggle is so so very real but yeah that that is a tough tough situation I guess the lying the lying makes a little bit more sense although I I I still think maybe you introduce them to what's happening so that they have time to process and and hopefully repair and and think through it in the ways that a 10-year-old can think through news like that you know I thought I was doing the right thing I wanted to give my children a two parent home I wanted them to grow up with their mom and their dad so when it was time to go I just didn't want to cause them any more pain so I called my cousin and she said come to La we'll figure it out and I packed my babies and we stayed in a hotel for 9 months and they thought it was the coolest thing ever like Sweet Life with Zack and Cody right around on the little trolley things who knew who knew you know but I didn't want to cause them any more pain and their dad is still a phenomenal person to them um we've moved through that about seven years later we learned he was actually diagnosed with schizophrenia and a lot of things started to make sense I'm definitely super honest with them now if you're going through that I say be honest with them at this age it's appropriate age it goes back to the other question as far as how much do you share you know I don't was that the question who knows what the were I that was a long time ago but yeah just not burdening her or the other kids with what my husband and I are going through and I want them to continue to love their dad I don't want anybody to pick sides that's not what it's about so my my movement was definitely make they continue to love their dad and their dad and I have decided we're going to move through this thing continue as a family and we have you have a bad habit that worries me in three two one I'm going pause before we get into this prompt and say one one last thing so long as the relationship between the father and the mother or whatever with your kids is healthy I think even through divorce you should do everything that you possibly can to maintain that relationship and it's difficult and things like sort of fall apart as you're trying to figure out co-parenting or you're trying to figure out you know like somewhat disliking or even hating the person that you have to co-parent with but uh you know balancing that with the fact that they still love their children and have a healthy relationship with their children and a lot of people take the hatred or the anger that they feel in their divorce and project that onto the relationship that the other that the counterpart has with their children even if it's a healthy one now now if it's an unhealthy relationship that they have with their kids it's a whole different story leave that separately but if they have a healthy relationship with your kids I would say do not allow the deterioration of your personal relationship with that person to impact the one that they have with their children because kids need Mom kids need Dad so like these things we we have to be able to see through and it's unfortunate because you see a lot of kids who uh unfortunately deal with broken homes I was in a broken home myself and they get so much information from each parent about what is going on or all that leave that aside that's between you two to deal with it's not for your 9-year-old or 10-year-old to deal with they have a relationship with their father or their mother that needs to withstand whatever is going on and that should be your focus not the animosity that you feel towards this person and a lot of adults adults need to be told you made a choice and the choice was to be with this person and the choice was to have kids with this person you don't get to walk back on the choice because suddenly you H you're harboring animosity towards somebody who has a healthy relationship with their kids and so often people do exactly that they'll say oh your dad cheated on me so that means he can't possibly be a good father or your mom stepped out and did something so that means she can't possibly be a good mother and I'm going to sue for full custody to get back at in and to you know dig the knife in a little bit on this entire situation and what it ends up doing is yeah probably harming the person that you you dislike but it also harms your kids immensely so just don't just don't do [Music] it okay go ahead and turn around I love that all the mothers are like yep some bad habits okay but let's start with the one daughter is on yes I think you get really into diet culture and it's good most of the time I think I mean you're super healthy super fit but sometimes I I worry that it's you know not as good on your own like body positivity well even though I would love to get on OIC there's no doctor that would prescribe it so you are correct like I do I am always looking for the latest fat girl she does not need OIC are you looking at her oh my gosh all right Heather you you move to yes by the way yeah she does have when I heard diet culture yeah okay yeah what I mean I get on you about this I feel like we just talk about bodies too much and like what's wrong here and all that and I would I would like you just to love yourself now you know not when something changes she's a beautiful woman by the way so you have defined the way I see the world 3 2 1 yes of course the answer is yes if you grew up with a mother mother or a parent in the household they have defined the way that you see the world not wholly of course but they are sharing some aspect of themselves in the way that you view the World by definition of being your mother or father even if they are an absent mother or father they have in some way shape or form defined the way you see the world because of the relationship that you have with them so that's like a no no-brainer okay go ahead and turn [Music] around you've shown me how much of a badass a woman can be in the world and how to hold yourself as that kind of amazing woman and that definitely from a young age like helped shape the way I approached the world and the way that um I tried to live my life and hold myself thank you for that baby I mean you made me a mother so it changed how I defined family and it changed how I understand love and that has changed everything about my life to live in a gray world like I do is to not allow anyone to Define your world but rather you let a lot of people Define your world because for you to Define your own world that's semantics at this point so so yeah the answer is yes it's completely selfish and so no you have not defined it you've expanded it feels like it would be a lot of pressure to be your like life definition I think uh and you've massively influenced my life I think that's impossible for you to be my my mom and not have shaped me hugely but yeah I'm defined by my mom my dad my brothers all my friends my experiences my breakups all so the answer is yes well that has to find you I just have to say that my dog she's especially Rocky she's not King thank you all so much unfortunately that is all we have time for so from the bottom of my heart and everyone watching right now thank you for your honesty a thank you kot Takahashi that is a great name that that's a name made for television cot uh he's going to do big things guys uh we are going to get into your super chats now that was a fun one okie dokie yeah it's fun it's like wholesome but also kind of crazy at points but all the things it was a journey a good well-rounded journey I think it's all you can ask for uh 35 Never Felt So Good as our first he says hey there a and no no Amala you can't ride the fence on yesterday's video that Pera needs to hit rock bottom like I did before she will change she says it's all about her she's independent if you want the man of your dreams ladies then you must act feminine fit friendly and loyal she's a hot Latina but I'd never date her ladies don't become the man you want to date I.E career Etc wow you have very big opinions on this I think there's room all across the board for different lives and different you know levels of masculinity and femininity to be loved I don't think I rode the fence on that video I think I told yesterday's video by the way if you're not aware single girl who's 29 and complaining that she's still single even though she wants a relationship and she's built a great life for herself yes yeah um by the way we have a we have a surprise guest for super chats really quick if if he's going to come here Charlie Charlie oh my goodness hello oh okay this is our uh super chatter this is a new member of The Gang This is Charlie you can uh hear him uh sniffing the microphone hi Charlie he's a little English Cocker Spaniel everybody say hi in the chat everybody say hi to Charlie in the chat and uh he's going to hang out hopefully for super chats we'll see how well he's he uh is is going to do with this the chat's going nuts they love it they love him star already he is a star a uh he's a star he's a biter he's lovely okay so next Super Chat sorry Alex uh but thank you for your hot takes H dating yes thank you Alex as always AJR says happy world goth day send love to Goths and thank God for them play some gothic music to honor the subculture also you look fantastic AA a thank you I don't know what gothic music is I think Charlie do you want to get down Charlie I don't know what gothic music is what qualifies me either I'm not sure like I think of like sco or Emo or like heavy metal type stuff I don't know what goth technically is yeah you guys will have to give us your goth music recommendations in the chat they don't have Goths do they like people don't wear like chain wallets and baggy jeans and I feel like they do I feel like they do have to have a goth subculture of some sort I think Charlie's just going to be running around in the background there but like we had we had clicks like that and they have genders now that you just pick one but maybe I'm overgeneralizing as a kogin right right uh let's see Timothy says oh this is in reference to I think something that came up last show tahim pronounced te teim teim uh is a book in the Tanakh a collection of sacred Jewish Tex texts known as the Old Testament the verse was referencing adoniz protection over the Jewish people I am Messianic Jewish and the news of the Iran in president's death sorry for the confusion ah what I think Bas he quoted a a Tanakh verse in reference to basically the the president of Iran dying in a helicopter crash was God's protection of Israel oh okay I think that's kind of what he's well you guys know what my perspective is going to be on that one so I don't know that I can endorse that message thank you for clarifying what you meant there all right interesting it's getting we're all over the place so far we are we are otaku 69 says no social media until you're 17 or 18 17 or 18 yeah I was thinking like okay my kid will be hopefully cognizant enough of all the different dangers and all this different stuff by maybe like 145 I would allow for like an Instagram or whatever exists at the time you know Instagram will probably be obsolete by the time my child is whatever age that going to be even discussing social media yeah I'd want to read John Height's new book about the all the research of social media use with teenagers I forget what it's called is it anxious generation or maybe that's the other one but anyways um just if the data says that it is totally destructive to teenagers to have social media then like I feel like it's responsible to give it to them just if we have like objective research that says that it's going to destroy their brains and ruin their lives like yeah I think it's all about like their understanding of that because I guess I would have to look into that that research on like how cognizant is the child how long have they been on social media how long have they been exposed because you're in a generation now where it's like eight-year-olds are being exposed to social media and like there's no way you have a grasp on anything by the time you're that age and and as we saw in this video each child's upbringing in their home life is different their maturity levels are different um the way that they're being allowed to use social media can vary based on parents are allowing that to happen so just to say blanket social media should never happen until X age is probably a little too broad um which is totally fair right yeah but I see my I'm going to say never mind I I have family members who have children who are on social media and I'm like that's a little scary to me what are you doing yeah yeah I agree um let's see Timothy again says what are your thoughts on parents being allowed to post their children online I have mixed feelings also Amala Plus equals Mala Taylor plus kid equals Papa I don't know how that that one works one works yeah yeah um don't do it uh I can understand having like a private Instagram or Facebook that is only followed by family and friends and is private meaning nobody from the public can can access it and like posting photos for just your family and friends to see but do just save yourself the potential for problems to arise by not posting your children publicly on the internet because there are so many people who go and seek out photos and pictures of of children and while they may be removed from you and like it's technically a victimless crime or whatever is what people say just don't do it just don't there's just no reason to do it like what what is the drive that you have as a parent for your kid to be seen by the public and investigate that a little bit because I just don't understand it I can understand like you want Grandma and Grandpa who live in in Maine to be able to see your kid and he lives in California so you they follow you on Facebook and you have a private account and they view it but there's no reason to be taking photos of your child and posting them publicly for just anybody to see Roga says did you guys see the clip of the female streamer that said men are the problem with gaming spaces and that if she had a son she would train him to be gay or trans he's not allowed to be straight I did see that I did send you that did you I don't know if you watched it I watch the clip but I did I did see the story that she said that I wonder like I didn't see the clip so was she being serious or well okay so I only saw the clip of her saying that men are the problem in gaming spaces which whatever aru um I I saw a screenshot of her and then the quote saying that if I had a son I would you know make him be gay or trans maybe that was in reference to her feelings on like how gaming spaces are filled with toxic masculinity and men don't treat each other right and so I would force my kid to not be you know a straight man they're going to be or whatever but I don't know she's just it's kind of like a nutpicking thing I think like this is kind of a crazy person I don't think it was anyone high up in like gaming industry or anything like that it's just a streamer who says crazy stuff yeah just another person who's nuts it is wild reacted to it just because we react to wild things but just don't allow it don't allow don't allow those people to procreate if that's truly what they believe oh yeah I mean tragic she's probably in the never mind I'm not anyways Bernie says uh wait I that was skipping that one um it was also not a $5 one so we'll skip it Zachariah blade says being raised in an allh household we as well had SL have this pecking order my great grandma my grandma and my aunt who have outli their husbands and brothers as a running joke we call them the coven yeah that I exists between I think it's uh just a cultural choice that some families make and it exists amongst all Races of just there can be certain people within the family that are just totally Untouchable maybe because they made themselves that way or others have made them that way I don't know how healthy that is I feel like everybody should be open to criticism so long as it's valid uh this is from St I'm 22 female former lib now center right unrelated but one are you pro life two I'd love to hear more about you being atheist and marriage as a fellow atheist yeah I mean I I think about like making a video about it cuz I have quals with the word Atheism in the first place as far as abortion I'm like super sympathetic to women who are victims of violence and and rape and who actually have the position that they're in forced upon them and I don't know how legally you you go about uh mitigating that problem I'm not so sympathetic towards people who are using it as uh birth control and who are actively engaging in The Reckless act that creates a child and then they just like go to a clinic and and deal with it so that's really as much as I can say about the issue super sympathetic to the actual instances of forced uh pregnancy a loaded uh Super Chat loaded Super Chat lots of different angles religion abortion uh Michelle to says I'm 20 and was just told that uh a 12 yearold dad had wait I'm 20 and was just told that a 12 Yad dad had leukemia um sto treatment just got worse days ago after my 5 kilometer move and is now hospitalized again wait who has it it says 12 y a dad I'm not sure I don't know what that means yeah it can't be like a 12-year-old D no anyway years ago is that Mak years ago 12 years ago a dad had oh that's what it is I was just told that 12 years ago a dad had leukemia stopped treatment just got worse days ago after my move and is now hospitalized again so you're saying your dad didn't tell you that he's had leukemia for 12 years that's what it sounds like she's 20 that is wild I think that is something that I would share if I'm understanding this correctly I would share 5,000 km move 12 years ago she's adding a little more detail okay okay I'm reading that okay um yeah if if that was something that was not shared that'd be crazy I think that's something you'd be honest about how could you hide that oh I guess he didn't get treatment yikes that was a tough one sorry to hear that sorry on both fronts for what's happening to him and for you not being told it's aw um Sienna Irvin says if my mom wrote an article calling me a when I was N I would never respect her 100% my mom called me slow twice as a child and it still stings 20 years later yeah man I I um am a big uh supporter of gentle parenting I I don't like using the the phrase of gentle parenting anymore because it's really been uh corrupted and taken in so many different directions but what that means is that you can still be Stern and set boundaries with your children but you're not going to bully insult hit your your child it truly does stick with your child and uh much like I I don't see a reason to be posting your child on social media I don't see a reason to demean your child uh you are meant to be the person who shows them how to achieve and accomplish things and to demean them in any way just doesn't make sense of course we all slip up right uh and we might think things or have very intrusive thoughts about the people that we love but to call your kid a [ __ ] or to call them slow or any of these uh you know horrible words that other people you know are going to call your kid within their lifetime do you want to be the person that's responsible for that too like life is already hard enough with people who you don't like calling you horrible things and you know especially with with the internet and all that stuff as a parent you want to be the person who didn't do that for to your child and uh who helps them deal with that issue when other people do so that's that's sad to hear um at least it was only twice and hopefully uh they've learned not to do that anymore yeah and hopefully the fact that you're able to share it now and this even in a setting like this is evidence that you've processed it and been able to move on which is possible but that doesn't excuse that behavior and I think Al was 100% right about the parents uh and that is our last Super Chat of the day all right guys thank you so much for watching the show thank you so much for saying hi to Charlie hopefully this was insightful or the very least interesting to watch drop your thoughts in the comments down below about the mother daughter Dynamic the father son Dynamic the the mother son the father daughter whatever Dynamic drop them in the thoughts in the comments down below let me know your own experiences with each of these prompts and as always if you disagree with me we encourage healthy debate on this channel so do it out in the comments down below but do so respectfully and if you like this video like subscribe click the notification Bell to be notified every single time we're live that's Monday Wednesday Friday 1:00 p.m. Pacific 300 p.m. central 400 p.m. Eastern plus we post videos for you guys every single day tomorrow's video is about a new trend that I found on Tik Tok of kids comparing where they're at at their current age to where their parents were at at that age so me at 23 comparing myself to my mom at 23 and the comparisons uh give a stark contrast in what was going on in our parents' lives versus what we are doing now so I can't wait for you guys to see it and let me know your thoughts in the comments and with that have a fantastic rest of your day see you tomorrow guys bye ...
