Be Irresistible, Click Here Navigating healthy relationships can be so difficult. Developing good relationships—whether friendships ...
Navigating healthy relationships can be so difficult. Developing good relationships—whether friendships or romantic ones—and ...
okay see you later I'm I'm done with this community I'm done with this friend I'm done with this pastor I'm done with this church I'm gone and Father Mark Mary with the Franciscan friars of the renewal and this is Ascension presents our relationships are just really fragile it's really easy for something to happen for something to be said and it's done and it's and it's over when I was uh 20 years old I spent a year in a rural South African Community teaching at a high school and it was a Zulu church and this was the one option that people had most of them didn't drive uh they didn't have the internet and so you had your parish and you had your community and you had your family and so if somebody in your community said something that hurt you like you couldn't just totally replace for example your entire friend group with a new friend group just there just wasn't that option or if father spoke in a way that you didn't totally like or he said something that you didn't totally like you couldn't just now choose a different parish and go there like you had to stay there and either internally or in like relationship towards the other you had to work through it I think generally speaking that's actually probably more healthy because it makes you kind of like work through the stuff and and you know I think for any of us who have been in relationships that have kind of been hurt and then you work through it when you work through it it comes out even stronger you know and so um the tendency now is right like okay this friend hurt me so I'm going to go choose a whole different friend group and certainly of course there is a Nuance to this and a balance to this about uh people who are very kind of hurtful and maybe you know it's not healthy to keep them in in your space but I think I like you want to like pay attention to this when something difficult happens when you have some sort of conflict with another do you immediately just cancel them like do you immediately like okay like we're done we just have to be careful about that because what it what it allows us to do is we just keep running and we keep escaping and we never really like do the work of building deep community and building family and and the problem with this is that like we're just made for that we're made for deep Union we're made of a deep relationship and if we just keep sort of solving our problems by running from them and replacing these people or these communities uh we end up kind of creating an atmosphere where uh that can really lead towards isolation and loneliness relationship actually makes us as individuals less fragile it's kind of like relationship family a community where we're seen and known it's kind of like if you will like the packing and this the foam peanuts and all that sort of stuff that help keep us safe when difficult things happen so if you don't have that Community you're just much more fragile as life happens and so my encouragement again to you is just to prayerfully just pay attention to how you're responding to difficulties and then and then like what you're where you're going from there um and yeah you can just replace with relationship or you can be like okay you know what I'm just going to interact with people online you know it's just or I'm just going to check out and play video video games or whatever it is you know I've had a number of people comment on on ascension presents presenters they basically said this yeah so and so said this thing and it's a very small kind of particular thing and I disagree with it so I'm done with that that presenter and I've had heard that multiple times about somebody on a very kind of like not that big of a thing and this is kind of what I mean of like the multip the the fragility of relationship and the multiplicity of options towards if you will our pastors our shepherds are um those our priests um cuz like okay if I don't like what father says or if I don't like what sister says or if I don't like what this man or This Woman's speaker says I'm just going to go and listen to somebody else why that like why that I think matters here is um because as a pastor as a Shepherd as a priest I want to stay in relationship with people my desire is to really help people know the Lord to help people know that there's a place to take their weakness and their vulnerability um to really help them grow in their interior life particularly through my my personal Ministry through the podcast and so like when I'm speaking I just want to be careful because I realize my relationship with you is quite fragile and if I say something like strong on kind of like a lesser important thing or if I say something strong like you're not ready to hear in all likelihood like our relationship is done you're never going to come back you're never going to listen to me if I'm your pastor you're going to go choose another church and so I just have to pick my battles it can feel like okay well why isn't father saying these hard things and it's a personal discernment and sometimes you have to go for it there are certain things in sort of spiritual Direction in sort of pastoral counseling and just sort of pastoring where it's like okay you know what like you may not be ready to hear this and I know our relationship is going to be at risk um but I have to say it but we don't want to do that unnecessarily you can say like I really like this football team and I really don't like that football team like when it's the Super Bowl and somebody's like no like I'm done I'm not listening to the father anymore it's like okay was really my sort of comment about this team or that team worth losing my ability to continue to walk with you and to teach you how to pray and to know the Lord that's just something to be aware of like okay like I think we want to be aware of it because I can just go wherever I want and I can just sort of remove somebody from my life and fill them with somebody new or something new like we just want to be aware of that and make sure we don't do that unto it like into a total radical sort of like sort of isolation we're just we're made if you will for community and family but also just to understand that this is something that your pastors are are Discerning um hopefully they're Discerning is like I want to remain in relationship with you I want to continue to have to have you coming back I want to continue if you will to have some influence in your life to bring you more and more to Jesus but our relationship today in 2024 it's just it's just fragile and so I have to handle it with care and um and so I'm just going to be prudent kind of discerning about what I say where I say and I think that's going to be true for a lot of your pastors as well my hope is that you also do the work of not just sort of like if you will just like father says one thing you don't like or does one thing you don't like and you're like okay done I'm like done with you like hopefully we can work through some stuff together you know what I mean um and and realize the fragility of relationships but not just sort of be resigned to it but kind of like strengthen them through choice so hopefully that's helpful thanks for watching remember we are pilgrims on this Earth so per po Poco little by little but almost so you are we're going to make it hopefully I didn't offend you and I'll see you next week all right byebye [Music] ...
