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[Music] [Music] oh I come to you today as a love Ambassador an advocate for love and romance cuz God it seems like the world needs it we are in a Loveless Society we are in a lovelessness crisis according to Bill Hooks and I can't help but agree I've seen a a lot of antil love sentiments going around on the internet things like remember catch flights not feelings not going to be saved by the prince she's not going to be saved by The Prince and she's not going to be dreaming about true love she's dreaming about becoming the leader she knows she can be but I feel like jenz really decenter men from their life yeah they do cuz but they're always talking about like get the bag girls because like men are never going to give you anything so you got to just like at least secure the back get the dinner get the blah blah BL whatever and I'm like I don't know cuz I'm out here in my 30s and I'm watching my friends who married for money regret it I see where women have tried to empower each other by being like Oh I don't care I can hook up with whoever I want and not feel a thing and who needs a relationship when you can have a a different hoe and a different area code I just want to remind you guys that love is is Real Love does exist and you're allowed to have it I think we're in a in a culture where if you want love if you desire love it's almost seen as weak it's seen as like a a deficiency that you have within yourself oh you just don't love yourself enough oh you just need to work on yourself why don't you get a hobby and it's like you know getting a new sewing kit isn't going to stop your desires for love now of course yes you know decenter men and you know don't rely on relationships to fill the void or to make you a whole person I totally agree with that but I think we've gotten to this extreme where expressing romantic love is seen as like a taboo almost which doesn't make sense to me because it's something that is innate within us and it's totally fine and human and natural to want a relationship I think the reason why people have this mentality is because they believe that love is Out Of Reach they believe that love isn't possible for them so they're just going to convince themselves that love isn't actually real or it's bad and that's the reason they stay away from it when in reality it's something they deeply desire but they just have haven't found it yet and due to this kind of collective mentality I think that's why we see so much insane dating advice going around on the Internet or even better women conflating having standards in dating or dating a man who has a provider mindset with sugar baby advice and that's why we see the rise of women like Sher 7 or sprinkle sprinkle lady then people responding being like I just I can't do this I can't be sprinkle sprinkle girl I'm just a lover girl and it's like okay well of course you can't be a sprinkle sprinkle girl cuz you're not a sex worker and that's fine you don't have to be a sex worker and you also don't have to pursue the life of a sugar baby because you feel like love isn't possible for you in this video I want to break down different dating theories and rules that have been circling around the internet as well as talking more about the rise of sugar baby SL sprinkle sprinkle culture and how I think it's really putting a damper on dating first and foremost I have to address that today's video is sponsored by care of so if you're like me and you want to step up your health routine this year then I definitely think you should check out care of carav offers a set of curated products designed to work with research-backed ingredients and optimal doses I think my favorite thing about kov is that it really does all the work for you so you don't have to go through weeks of research trying to figure out what vitamins take if you take their online quiz which only takes a couple of minutes they will recommend the vitamins for you based off of your goal and your routine you can 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guidance take the care of quiz and see what vitamins are recommended to you and you can use my code Madison 50 to get 50% off subscription items to access the discount account all you got to do is use the QR code here again check out care of use my code Madison 50 and thank you care of for sponsoring this video dating apps and social media I think has made dating really hard because with dating apps we have this idea that we have unlimited options and we can always replace the person that we're dating with somebody else with the click of a button but that's kind of a fallacy because if everyone was so replaceable that would mean that everyone is a viable partner for us which isn't true and therefore we wouldn't be in a constant state of Serial dating there's a kind of non-committal attitude that's really normalized these days which I think is why dating is so hard also with social media we have so many distractions and so many opportunities for comparison so we feel like the person that we're with isn't good enough or our relationship isn't good enough or we as our own selves are not good enough and we see the normalization of situationships situationships seem to be the most common kind of relationship step status if you want to call it that amongst gen Z and I see so many Tik toks of girls being like me after my one-year situationship and they're just like sobbing and crying on the floor like on the verge of death by heartbreak it seems [Music] like and it's like oh my God what is it all for like what is the point and you know people say oh I'm so tired of situationships but why participate in it from my understanding a situationship is a non-committed relationship it's like all the fixings of a relationship without the title and if I'm correct usually one person wants more than the other and the person who wants more probably isn't communicating that and how I interpret that is you're actually just afraid of being alone and you have a low selfworth so you're accepting whatever you can get because you feel like this is the best it'll be I don't know if situationships are like oh one person's aware of a situationship and the other one isn't I've heard that before but I don't know if that's constant for every situationship but at the end of the day if being in situationships leave you with your heart on the floor bleeding out begging for mercy then why do it and maybe there are mutual situationships happening I've never seen it but maybe um I also don't think situationships are mutually beneficial especially when it comes to men and women because typically men get a much greater benefit out of situationships than the women that being said I think the non-committal culture and situationship culture is the reason why we see all of these dating rules for women and dating theories because a lot of people are tired of it and feeling hopeless and dating so so they look for these kinds of quippy one two three step rules on how to make a guy like you or how to attract a guy how to make him OB OB if you want a man to be completely and utterly obsessed with you three simple and easy steps to make a guy fall how to get the boy and make him so obsessed with you to the point that he can't breathe or how to turn your situationship into a boyfriend which God forbid um the answer is no if you're asking by the way I want to break down some of these rules and theories because I don't think it's all bad but I do think Tik Tok daning advice is just making it worse and it's really making women feel like they are the problem and you know sometimes I think yes if you keep making the same mistake over and over again and you're the common denominator in all these terrible relationships you have to like take a look at yourself in your choices and be like hm is there something that I can do differently here I think these women who are looking for an easy fix or without one golden piece of dating advice that will transform their dating life or their outcomes are missing a crucial part that will lead them to making better boundaries for themselves which is selfworth because it doesn't matter how many checklists that you look at when it comes to dating rules if you don't have a steady Foundation of selfworth and you don't know what it is that you deserve and understand why you deserve it then you're never going to find what you're looking for or maybe you will I'm not anything's possible but having a sense of self worth is important anyway enough rambling let me get into some of these dating Trends and theories I guess you could call this de influencing dating Trends the first Theory I want to talk about is box Theory which has been around for a couple of years now I think this is my theory when men meet you in a romantic setting they put you in a box either they want to date you they want to sleep with you or they want nothing to do with you it's very difficult to shift from box to box and your behavior doesn't really affect what box you're in to a guy so if he meets you and he's like I want to date this girl you could puke on his shoes and sleep with him on the first night and it wouldn't matter vice versa if he meets you and he just wants to hook up you could make him wait wait 3 months to sleep with you it's not going to change that women are so different meet a guy and we're like oh he's just for fun and then 3 weeks later we're sitting down a brunch with our friends being like so I'm thinking about Tuscany for our wedding and I think a lot of women kind of went crazy when they heard this box Theory because it makes them feel like they have no power in where a man puts them and you know no matter who you are what you do you will be unconsented put into one of three categories and let's say you like the guy a lot and you want him to be your boyfriend but he puts you in the Friends with Benefits category you're just doomed to being a friends with benefits and you know you will never be able to into the girlfriend box cuz she also says you can't move from one box to the other and my issue with the Box theory is that I think it puts a lot of power in the man in the man's hands where it's like okay it doesn't matter if you're a great woman with a great job and great friends and a great body etc etc if he just devalues you to being a hookup then you know that's all your worth to this person first of all never let a man Define your worth and never let a man Define your future if you are dating a man you decide whether you like him or not and really be honest with yourself on if you like him if he's just a guy who's showing like a ounce of interest in you does that mean that he's worthy of being your boyfriend no if you've been on one date with a guy does that mean he's worthy of being your boyfriend I don't know you still have to collect some data on who this guy is and if he's worth being in your life so you know don't let a guy Define your future or Define the relationship you define what it is that you want and you vet men out based off of what it is that you want in a relationship and what it is that you're looking for if a guy puts you in the friends of benefits category for some mysterious reason that you can't pin down or Define then okay if you're not looking for a hookup then you move on and and God bless if he is upfront about it with you from the start and is like you know what I'm not looking for a girlfriend I'm just looking to hook up amazing he just told you exactly what you're looking for so don't make the mistake of sticking around and having this narcissistic belief that oh I can change him he doesn't want a relationship well challenge accepted he just hasn't gotten to know me yet and it's like there's a lot of amazing women out there he's probably doing the same thing to so what is it that makes you all of a sudden girlfriend material for this guy you don't even know this guy what a girlfriend material to him is being a slave don't think that box theory is something that just takes away all of your control I wish I had looked at the Box Theory clip before filming this because I was kind of reciting it for memory but revisiting it while editing I think honestly the biggest issue with box theory is also that you can't move from box to box like I don't know people change their minds if a guy is like oh I really want to date her he could change his mind maybe you like ran over his cat with a pickup truck I don't know or maybe you guys were hooking up and then it turns out you guys really like each other and you start dating I know plenty of people who have been in situations like that so it's not even true it's just it's not even true also I asked like two to three real life males and they said the same thing moving on Taxi cap Theory so this is something that actually was started from sex in the City men are like cabs when they're available their light goes on they wake up one day and they decide they're ready to settle down have babies whatever and they turn their light on the next woman they pick up boom that's the one they'll marry it's not fake I don't really agree with this I mean it's not to say it doesn't happen that men don't just use women as incubators or surrogate wives and they just marry the woman who they think will give them children and a clean house and food on the table every night but I think it also rejects the idea that if you get married to to a man like he probably doesn't love you he's just looking for whatever and like you can it's possible to marry a man who does love you um just like it's possible to marry man who doesn't and just wants to use you as a maid and a chef and again a surrogate I think where we can use taxi cap Theory to our advantage is if a guy says he's not ready for a relationship do not try to change his mind he's not looking for that but that's not to say that you know if he's not looking for a relationship at the time that he can't meet someone who makes him feel like oh I actually do want to date her and I want to be in a relationship but again decide for yourself if you want a relationship or not and if you are dating with the intention of finding a boyfriend or a husband then date men who are aligned in that but again leave space to get to know somebody if two people go on a date and they both want a relationship that doesn't mean those two people will end up together or should be together and that's why I say date with intention and not expectation when you date with intention you have set a clear path for yourself that you won't deviate from and it's not to say you can't date for fun I'm totally for that but like I think there's a way to do both where you can date intentionally so you don't end up in these six Monon situationships and and then you're like what where did it go wrong why did I it's like well you didn't set boundaries for yourself so you can date for fun but with boundaries Orange Peel Theory so this is very popular right now on Tik Tok Orange Peel theory is when girls ask their boyfriends to peel an orange for them if he peels the orange you're in a healthy relationship if he doesn't the orange then you're not in a healthy relationship I really want to have this orange but I don't want to peel it you passed what did I pass the orange peel Theory I really want an orange right now all right try here but I got you buddy here you go get me it no but like I I really want it but like I hate peeling it you hate peeling it yeah it just gets really messy okay and I have nails it'll get like under underneath them tough luck buddy go ahead and do her you're not going to peel it for me dude okay as if I don't do enough you can't [ __ ] peel this orange for me dude I ask you to do things all the time I do everything I just did your [ __ ] laundry no and you can't peel this for me dude come on man seriously no figure your life out dude it's not all about what your man can do for you it's about what you can do for yourself right no but like a good boyfriend would peel this for me like do something for me that I'm perfectly capable of obviously I can peel this but like if a great boyfriend would tell you to do it yourself like you're not even that special that's the thing it's like get that in your [ __ ] skull dude like you're really not that special you know I don't think it's entirely wrong like of course why be in a relationship with someone especially a guy who isn't willing to peel a damn orange for you I think it's really upsetting and and sad that woman feel like they need to test their boyfriends with something as arbitrary as an orange like I've never done the orange peel theory on my boyfriend cuz I know that I mean he would I feel secure in our relationship and he's done so many things for me that are equivalent if not more than the act of peeling a damn Orange it's just like a trend and a performance to show off your relationship but I also think these Trends are a way for women to kind of like actually I'm not sure what the motive is cuz when the guy doesn't peel the orange or he doesn't fulfill the test and it leads into this Grand brawl like a a fight break on camera it's like okay why did you post this and why are you fighting people in the comments because they think your boyfriend sucks and you should break up with him you're okay with him treating this way that's fine but like why post it it just seems like a really strange way to like get attention Okay two things one the video where the couple started fighting I'm pretty sure is fake I went to their profile and they do a bunch of these weird couples trends that are clearly staged so I think they just did this for rage bait and it worked cuz look at me raging and baiting um no I think if there's any value in the orange peel Theory it's probably something you should do when you're getting to know someone to see if they would be a good partner to you but if you're relying on Tik Tok Trends to confirm if your already committed relationship is healthy I have bad news for you apologies if the lighting is different I had to charge my camera and the sun has set anyway so another theory that women are doing to test their Partners this one is more of like are they competent enough to clean a a ketchup stain on a counter exact same thing slow trolling lime Bonitas we with him you this for me there's nothing more [Music] EXC f i gu put in the laundry what else do I do with rinse it out is there anything else you're not going to put any cleaner on it or anything no no cleaner um I think this is very childish honestly if I'm going to be completely honest with you how disrespectful is it to like make a mess in front of your partner and be like clean it up it makes me sad when I see like married women do doing this and their partner can't even pass this test because clearly you knew he didn't know how to clean cuz you're married to the guy and you live with him like that's just something that you need to work out in your relationship not with Tik Tok I remember I saw a video of this woman who was quarantining in her house and when she came out of quarantine the house was a mess cuz it was just her husband who was like living in the rest of the house it's been 7 days since I cleaned my kitchen in fact it's been that long since I stepped foot in it my son and I got Co while while my husband somehow managed to avoid it so we isolated on the top floor the kitchen is so much worse than I could have imagined I don't even want to look in the sink a huge part of me knows how bad it's going to be because the entire kitchen smells like vinegar that means there's rotting food hidden somewhere but I refuse to tear myself down over the state of this kitchen most days I was too exhausted to get out of bed I don't know if she defended him but it's like really sad and depressing that women are put in these situations and you know I think that's why people do trends like this because they're so afraid of ending up in a situation like this which which is like yeah you don't want to end up in a marriage where you are literally his maid and he's an incompetent toddler who doesn't know how to do anything weaponized incompetence look it up so people are afraid of of being in these kinds of situations so they feel like they need to test their Partners but it's like proper vetting will prevent this anyway I want to get into some of these dating rules because wow there's a lot of them and I think people who rely on these rules just lack a sense of self self worth and it's not as like oh like you're stupid for not having that I think a lot of it comes from childhood and not being set up with the tools and having those standards enforced in you from a young age um especially if you raised by parents who didn't have a good relationship and you think oh that's the model for a relationship you're going to recreate that pattern so first rule I want to talk about is the three-month rule if you've been talking to a man for more than three months and he has not made no indication suggestion that he wants y'all to be exclusive y'all are dating he don't want to put the title on it you should highly consider I'm not going to tell you what to do with your life but you should highly consider wrapping it up Man 3 months is actually kind of a long time of course it takes time to get to know somebody but if he hasn't even so much said like oh I would like to be exclusive with you after 3 months I don't think he really likes you that much because in my experience men who really like you will make it clear to you you and they won't want to risk the idea of you finding somebody else within those 3 months because he didn't say his feelings like if he wants to be with you he's going to want to lock it down pretty quickly I think this is a reaction from the situationship culture where it's like oh I was in a situationship for 6 months and blah blah blah he never said he wanted to date me and so now people are like well if he hasn't said anything after 3 months like you just got to leave and I'm like why hasn't he said anything after after a month or two months I think that's weird I mean personally like I think for me I know if I like someone well within 3 months no sex on the first date okay this is going to be controversial this is something that I I actually would promote you shouldn't avoid sex on the first date out of fear that he will ghost you because he's going to think you're a [ __ ] or you're too easy um no I think a lot of women have been sold on this idea that you can be in these streets because I don't have attachments I don't care about anything I'm just I'm just trying to get my nut and leave which are you getting your nut girl let's be real statistics are saying you're not I think a better reason to not have sex on the first date is to be like you know what I don't know this person I don't want to give them access to the inside of my body without vetting them and seeing if they are a trustworthy person who deserves access to my body in that way as a woman with a vagina who's having sex with a man with a penis um there's a lot more risk involved as a woman because you could get pregnant you could also get an STD but like if you get pregnant you are stuck with that pregnancy for 9 months assuming you don't get abortion which you know do you want to get an abortion I would imagine that's like a very emotionally taxing thing to go through so there's that and then like having the child carrying it for 9 months giving birth that is an insane experience to have and when you have that baby like you're linked to that person for life and there's a chance that person doesn't show up for you and your child so there's a lot more risk involved with women having sex I think biologically you know our bodies know this and that's why we produce certain uh hormones and chemicals in our brains when we have sex with someone that leads us to bond with them CU our bodies know this and so why disregard that innate biological experience just for the sake of having casual sex and looking cool because you can be unattached when you have sex I'm not saying every woman H gets attached with every man they have sex with but you know I've heard a lot of women say oh like I know it works for some women but it doesn't work for me and I hear that more often than not but generally speaking it doesn't seem like women are satisfied with hookup culture and the idea of casual sex so why not honor that part of you that's like you know what I want to keep sex for someone who I trust I want to keep sex as like something special cuz why not make it special like it is something so vulnerable and if you don't want to be vulnerable with a stranger in that way who you've just met don't do it it doesn't make you less cool it doesn't make you weak and I hate that like there's almost like a corner of feminism that's like oh yeah like I can [ __ ] like a guy I'm not going to get attached like why are we associating feelings or some sort of attachment after sex with weakness isn't that does doesn't that go against the feminist mentality that what is inherently feminine or is a feminine trait is considered weak or less than why don't we honor ourselves as feeling sensitive creatures and be like you know what I want to protect something that I find so special within me which is my sensitivity and my ability to feel and be vulnerable and in protecting that part of myself I'm not going to engage in in behaviors that don't honor that part of me and of course yeah sex feels good that's a big reason why we do it but it's okay to exercise a sense of discipline of like yeah it feels good but I know it's not going to feel good for me the next day or the day after especially if he doesn't call me it's okay to have that sexual discipline of like I'm going to delay gratification right now and allow myself to keep this level of discernment that is necessary when getting to know someone Roman romantically because when you have sex with someone at least in my experience it does kind of shift your perspective on them and you feel like you're closer to them because you did this very vulnerable act again just want to reiterate you can have casual sex as a woman and not attach to every guy you hook up with I just mean this in the context of dating people I think the so I think the sexual Revolution did a good job at reducing the level of shame that women feel when having premarital sex but I think where it's gone too far is that it's like encourag women to just like disregard their feelings and have sex with anybody who they find attractive because they know it'll feel good it's like drinking you can drink because oh I know I'll feel good in the moment but I don't want to drink tonight because I know I'll have a hangover the next day and I don't want to go through that if you're confused he doesn't like you this is true and something I I think maybe in the past like years ago I didn't want to hear because deep down I knew it was true side note I want to add if you're confused he doesn't like you enough he may like you I'm sure he likes you just fine he likes you enough to hang out with you but it's inconsistent and if he really likes you wants to impress you and date you seriously then he won't leave space for you to be confused and again this isn't to be like oh he just doesn't like you cuz you're a loser you stupid [ __ ] like he doesn't like you why who cares is honestly why but you know that he's not the one I had a tendency and I think maybe other women do this too you make excuses for him and you try to make it seem like oh it's not what I think it is and you deny your intuition which if there's any dating advice I can give is that like listen to your intuition and if a man makes you feel disrespected you felt disrespected there's no justification or mental gymnastics that you need to perform to justify it if you feel disrespected that is enough and you should respect that and be like hey I feel disrespected I don't want to see you anymore in my experience with guys if they like you they will let you know there isn't any sort of Mastermind Jedi mind trick like military level decoding that you need to do like I remember someone was like oh it's great when we're together but when we're apart I feel so anxious and it's like yeah that's not a good thing but if he's ignoring you and not following up or making PL plans that's not a good sign if he knows your value and knows your worth he knows that other men would be happy to be with you and you probably have other suitors so why would he risk you being with somebody else when he could just be upfront and do everything in his power to please you so texting is a really big thing which I think has also confused dating and made it more complicated but like people say never text first as a woman don't reply too fast I'll be honest I'm not big on texting first when it comes to guys that's just kind of something I do I'm not saying you have to do that I like when a guy comes to me because it shows that he has like a sense of a sense of initiative and wants to be proactive and pursuing me like I personally like to be pursued by a guy I don't chase men not saying if you text first you're chasing him but honestly like in my experience like he won't even give you a chance to text first cuz he'll be like reaching out to you but I don't think it's like an end all be all of like oh if you text first it's doomed and he's never going to love you it's like no like it's just texting same with the whole replying too fast if I'm available and I want to respond I will respond it's like this whole game of texting back and forth and the timing of it all is just like a silly game that is meant to give people a false sense of power that doesn't exist because people think oh well whoever hasn't texted back has all the power a Texting Rule that I do think is valid is not texting back and forth all the time every day especially in the beginning stages and especially if you haven't met up yet if you meet someone on hinge Bumble Tinder or whatever it is and you're like going back and forth with text messages and you're building this false sense of intimacy that is not something I recommend because you begin to like grow this attachment to this person and they haven't even so much as as booked a date with you they haven't even so much as made a reservation and it's like okay well you don't know this person you don't owe them your time but like don't create this false sense of intimacy don't create a pen pal cuz when it doesn't work out it's going to feel even more devastating because you're like but we he texted me good morning every day and it's like that doesn't really mean anything have a roster okay this is a piece of advice that I think was maybe my boyfriend's calling me hi I'm back it's the next day I had to go to an engagement party so sorry but see hey love it's still real it's still real also Happy Valentine's Day so having a roster I don't think is bad advice I think people find it stressful because you know I mean dating is hard enough and if you're trying to juggle like 10 people at once I mean who has the time for that honestly having a roster I don't think is bad advice I think when you hyperfixate on one person you kind of feel this need to make it work and you're more likely to stay with that person or accept treatment that maybe isn't up to par with what you actually want or deserve I think with having a roster it allows you to really weigh out your options and see you know who is treating you the best and I also think just allows you to get attached less easily cuz you know like oh like if it doesn't work out with this one person that's fine there's other people that I can go out with and you know it's not the last guy on Earth which I think is an issue that women can have sometimes where they have the scarcity mindset when it comes to men so they're more likely to stay with a guy who isn't really that good for them or worth their time because they're like well you know I don't know when the next guy is going to come around and I I don't know if I can do better which you can I don't think it's a good idea to kind of like keep someone around until you find a better person the reason I don't think that works is because even just like on a energetic level I think you are blocking yourself from meeting someone who is actually a good fit for you because you're too busy spending time with this other person who you say isn't really good enough for you but if they're not good enough for you why bless them with your time and your energy and letting them benefit from having a any sort of of relationship with you create space for the people that you want in your life no coffee dates so this is also a very popular piece of dating advice that goes around and I don't think a coffee date is like inherently evil I think if you're as the internet likes to say a high value woman who is busy and has things going on is it really worth your time to go meet someone just for coffee if it is totally fine I've got I've been on coffee dates before um the last coffee day I went on I ordered my coffee and I stood there waiting for him to finish the transaction and he like stands there and looks at me and he's like oh I'm I'm paying for it okay and then he pays for it and that really turns me off because I think that says a lot about a guy and like where they are mentally and how he'll treat you in a relationship I don't really want to pay for something as cheap as a coffee the coffee date was low effort enough which is why people say don't go on coffee dates cuz it's low effort and shows that that person has a low investment and some will say oh well he's just getting to know you so why should he be invested in you from the beginning and I don't you saw the you saw the profile [ __ ] you know you know who you're going out with so I don't think I I don't want to date a guy who thinks that way dates so I think that guys who are serial daters they are going for these coffee walk dates because they're cheaper and I mean I don't blame you but like that you I'm not going to leave my apartment and go walk around the block with a dude that I don't even know he didn't do anything to try to impress me a gentleman wouldn't even like want you to be in a position where you have to ask like oh like yeah can you pay for this like also women you know usually like will put on makeup and like wear a nice outfit and all that costs money so you know unless you have like nothing but sweats on in your profile pictures with your hair not done he probably doesn't want to go on a date with a woman who's going to show up looking like that so so I think it's fair if a woman's like my Foundation costs $50 I'm not spend I'm not like wasting my my resources on a damn coffee date and even if you don't wear makeup like you know skin care and hair care and things like that like women put a lot into our appearance because that's how we are accepted in this world is like looking beautiful and you probably got a date because he likes the way that you look especially if you met on like a dating app or something that when I went on this coffee date I didn't get ready I just kind of showed up and like recommended a place that was like a 10-minute walk from my apartment because I'm like I'm not I'm not doing the most for a cup of coffee and you know some people say I would prefer to go on a coffee date because if I don't like the guy I can just leave which is fine I don't really care if I end up not liking the guy and we're on a dinner date like I'll just keep eating and then when it's done never speak to him again like it's not really a big deal to me I don't know about y'all I live in a big city I'm not going to literally risk my life not just trying to get to the date by leaving my house probably at night taking public transportation and also risk my safety because you know there is a level of risk involved as a woman when you go on dates with men especially if you meet them online I don't know this man he could kill me so the least he could do is show some manners and show hey like I will pay for this date I will take you on a nice date I will make sure you get home safe calling you in Uber to show that he is trustworthy now before you go crazy like again just cuz a guy buys you dinner that doesn't mean that he's incapable of murder or something but but if a man shows you that he is a gentleman yes he's probably less likely to hurt you and at the very least don't you want to be with a guy who's a gentleman I mean why be with the douchebag that's not fun and if a guy is aware like oh you know she's taking time out of her day to to meet me and he feels appreciative of that then he will he will show that to you finally I wanted to talk about the sprinkle sprinkle lady AKA Sher 7 she is a a YouTube live streamer who gives hypergamous dating advice AKA sugar baby advice um and actually I should not conflate the two because there's a difference between you know wanting to marry up and having a sugar baby how do you ask man for money without feeling bad like this do you want to make me happy right now yeah of course I do I want to make you happy too but later on or what do you want no I don't know I don't know if I should tell you yet come on what is it then whisper in his ear like this I want you to take me to the ATM and give me as much money as you choose it's kind of a kink I just want to see what you're gonna give okay let's go you can still marry someone who loves you who you know maybe has more money than you or more status but with sugar baby work work that is sex work and it's a transactional relationship that has nothing to do with love Shar 7 is very funny and entertaining which I think is a big reason why she's so popular but I also think the rise of her content comes from this place of lovelessness that I was talking about where women are giving up on love and they're like you know what [ __ ] it men aren't good for anything other than money so I'm just going to you know get my bag from them and that's it which I mean do whatever you want with your life I it's not it's really none of my business but I think the internet is influencing people into thinking that when in reality they do actually want love they're just trying to lie to themselves and say that they don't want it as like a coping mechanism which is totally normal but the issue with sprinkle sprinkle is that because it's become so mainstream people are misinterpreting the advice for actual dating advice and think oh this is what I have to do to get a man or to get a boyfriend um to get him to like pay for the dates and things like that and what she is teaching is manipulative tactics to get money out of men that is what her advice is for it's Financial advice as people like to say it's not dating advice and so people get so disheartened when they hear this sprinkle sprinkle stuff and get angry or sad or upset because they're like oh well if this is what I have to do like I'm never going to find love like I don't want to have to play these games and it's like well yeah don't follow her advice if you're looking for love cuz that's not what it's for um I think some of her advice is applicable to any sort of dating I think she has really insightful things to say about selfworth and not chasing after someone who doesn't want you look at what Society tells women on a daily basis you're not good enough you're not thin enough you're not smart enough you don't earn enough money you don't deserve this okay well okay if y'all have to continuously say it then it must not be true because you don't have to program something that's already naturally within why do y'all think y'all need to heal a man a man is grown gr don't y'all go help some people that have some real problems and y'all want to be healers why don't y'all go volunteer at the hospital why don't y go why don't y'all go volunteer where people actually got got crutches on okay because while y'all sitting over there healing brokies there are women living in the lap of luxury getting everything y'all sitting over here healing dusties if you love yourself enough and you have enough confidence in yourself enough not to put or invest your happiness within another person that's what I'm trying to teach you guys to love yourselves I mean what good is it to love another person and depend on on that person to give love to and receive love from and then what if they die what if they leave you what if they get up and walk out or what if they say you know what I'm tired of you I'm I'm done then what what you going to do I saw this girl on Tik Tok who was like I'm just a lover girl I came to the sprinkle sprinkle thing finally tried the sprinkle sprinkle thing that I've been seeing all over this God forsaken app and I it worked I went to a bar in the West Village and I was like I'm going to catch some men after work and they're going to pay for me and and it worked I didn't I didn't pay for anything not even my $60 Uber home and I woke up and I'm like being asked to dinner on Monday from the SC guy that I met and I met all his friends and whatever and what I realized is I can't do it I can't I felt nothing I feel nothing I walked out and I was like well it worked except I don't I don't I can't I'm not really good at like I just can't imagine the dinner because I use all my energy to Plate these men kind of because I didn't think they were very interesting and then it's like what do you do what do you do do people just like live that way they just like date really rich but very boring men I I can't live that way I can't live that way I'm such a lover girl like I just feel like I just feel like I have to go back to my favorite Cafe and like go back and FL with my my favorite Barista there because I just can't do this I can't do this give me all the money in the world but like if you're boring like and when I saw this video I was like okay I mean it sounds like you just like went on an average date or you met someone who paid for your food and drinks and your Uber home which is like a very normal date to me or a normal interaction with a man just because you didn't fall in love with him within an hour of knowing him that doesn't mean that you're like destined to be like a a yearning pining lover girl girl who will never get what she wants like I would say give him a chance but you know I think people who who think like this really just want the drama of Yearning going out with people who show you manners doesn't make you a sprinkle sprinkle girl it's not unromantic to get what you want there's this idea that like to love is to suffer maybe if I just yearn hard enough and wish on a star one day they will finally love me and I'll feel like I've earned it cuz I have to earn people's love no you don't in my experience when you go on a first date with someone and you're like oh my God it was perfect the Sparks were flying and I think we're going to get married um do those usually work out I mean sometimes they do but in my experience they don't um I like a slowburn I think that's like a a much healthier way of dating but also what that is is you're projecting a fantasy onto that person that isn't real and what you're doing is you're feeling in the blanks of that person's personality because you haven't collected enough data on them to know what they're really like don't fill in the blanks for people let them fill in the blanks by getting to know them I question if all these girls who are like oh sprinkle sprinkle actually are sprinkle sprinkling cuz again it's sex work it's not dating I think people probably like to say it cuz it sounds cool and it's trendy and even I've made jokes about like oh like having a roster sprinkle sprinkle really like I don't think a lot of these people are sprinkle sprinkling like they say they are cuz it's not for everyone it's really not for everyone it's for people who are only interested in being a sugar baby and I know that kind of culture is normalized and is very like trendy right now but if you want to marry someone only for their money who's wealthy that's fine but know what you're sacrificing because of that I mean if you're fully just letting go of your career and any sort of income for yourself that's very dangerous because if that person leaves you you will be left with nothing unless you have a really good prup that offers you a a great cash settlement you are completely reliant on another person for your livelihood and that's a lot of power to give to someone and third they're not going to pay attention to you they're not going to be around all the time if they are wealthy that is a sacrifice you make by marrying Rich wealthy men is they work a lot that's why they have money and if you're okay with crying alone in your Mercedes Benz because you're lonely that's fine but if is that the life you want but at the end of the day like what makes people truly happy is connection and in relationships and community and purpose so if you don't have that and all you have is money and a husband who doesn't pay attention to you like really question if that's what you want and if it's worth it but I'd love to know like what you've learned about dating and what your thoughts are on some of these Trends and theories have you found love are you still looking are have you given up on love like what's the tea what's the vibe at the end of the day it's all about self-worth and if you have a solid sense of self-worth a lot of these dating tips aren't going to be necessary for you because you don't need to be told what to do and how to have structure with dating because you already know like inherently what to accept based off of what you believe you deserve so yeah thank you for watching and Happy Valentine's Day and thank you to Carol for sponsoring this video [Music] bye get it on your knees I'm coming for the go so don't get in my way yeah yeah yeah yeah ...
