Be Irresistible, Click Here This will be a bitter pill to swallow for many people, but love has nothing to do with relationships. Wh...
This will be a bitter pill to swallow for many people, but love has nothing to do with relationships. Whereas relationships are the ...
I'm Dr Orion taraban and this is cycax Better Living Through psychology and the topic of today's short talk is love has nothing to do with relationships so I've made a number of episodes on both of these topics however I typically speak on each one individually since to me their Mutual Independence is an obvious fact of reality but it turns out that what might be obvious to me might not be obvious to others and when I speak about relationships as the medium in which value is transacted I get a lot of pushback from folks in the comments and the most typical type of pushback I receive is something like well what about love Orion does love have no place in a relationship how mercenary I guess we've come to the point that relationships are simply transactional these days and that's why modern relationships are doomed etc etc well I'm going to respond to this critique in today's episode by arguing as the title indicates that love has nothing to do with relationships absolutely nothing let me explain why this is the case again a relationship is the medium in which value is transacted since this is the case relationships have rules what is allowed and what is not allowed relationships have definitions this is what it is and this is what it is not and relationships have compromises this is what I will get for what I will give up and this is because we need rules and definitions and compromises to in effect do business with each other which is what we do when we transact value however love has absolutely nothing to do with any of these things love does not love where it is allowed that's absurd it has an imminent contempt for rules love does not restrict itself to a certain relationship format it ignores every label and definition that attempts to constrain it and love does not expect anything in return so there is absolutely nothing to compromise expecting love to abide within rules and definitions and compromises is not only absurd it cheapens love it's the emotional equivalent of taking an animal out of its natural habitat and shutting it up in a zoo and then we wonder why the animal seems so spiritless and depressed for all the benefits of its new arrangement the other day I re-watched angley's Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon it is a fantastic film and for all of its action-packed martial arts sequences it actually contains a really profound psychological message so maybe I'll do an analysis of the film in a future episode but with respect to our message today the main narrative presents two parallel love stories one of which is between Julianne played by Michelle yo and limubai played by Chao young fat these two characters did not get married they did not cohabitate they did not have children they did not have sex they did not buy each other flowers or cook each other dinner or go on vacation together they did not talk about their feelings or Define what they were or wonder where things were going in fact it would be very difficult to argue that they were in a relationship at all because what did they actually do with each other but these two characters loved each other so much that they were inextricably bound at the spiritual level no ceremony required late in the movie limubai is poisoned and he tells shulian that he has only one breath left in modesty she averts her eyes and asks that he not wastes his breath on her and instead use it to enter the Heavenly realm as he had been trained that's love love is wanting the good for the loved one without any regard for the self because the more you love the less self there is love wants what is best for the loved one even to the point of sacrificing the self and Lee mubai replies that he would rather walk the earth as a ghost by shulian's side then enter Heaven without her that's love love wants nothing but in humility if possible to remain in the presence of a loved one everything else that you can get from someone else is worthless junk by comparison love wants only to remain in the presence of the loved one but is willing to sacrifice even that for the good of the loved one now before I go any further if you're liking what I'm hearing please share this video to someone who might benefit from its message it's Word of Mouth referrals like this that really help to make the channel grow you can also hit the super thanks button which is in those three little dots in the lower right hand corner beneath the video and tip me in proportion to the value you feel you derived from this episode I really appreciate your support so this is why love has nothing to do with relationships all the things that people want in relationships children commitment respect sex lifestyle excitement security love doesn't give a about any of them love doesn't care whether it gives everything and receives nothing in return precisely because it is not transactional but we would call such a relationship where one person gives everything and receives nothing in return and abusive or exploitative relationship love is given spontaneously as a gift at the pleasure of the lover expecting acknowledgment let alone reciprocity is just transaction disguised as love and this is because love is actually a form of defeat listen up love is exaltation by virtue of the humiliated self and that is why it is so very rare to see in the world today and not even today at any time in human history and why the people who are out there looking for love don't really understand what they're signing up for love is the humiliated self-exalted in Casino Royale when Vesper asks Bond about his armor he replies I have no armor left you've stripped it from me whatever is left of me whatever I am is yours bond is naked and vulnerable and pathetic he's humiliated himself that's love and that's also why when he learns a vesper's betrayal he puts the armor back on more securely than ever and functionally says never again why because to quote Leonard Cohen I've seen your flag on the Marble Arch and love is not a victory march it's a coal and it's a Broken Hallelujah that's right that's right love is defeat and that's why it's strange for me to hear people saying they are looking for love and expecting to find it in a relationship this is some high level personal Alchemy I've got for you love is the passage into a higher form of life through the Gateway of the humiliated self if you've never experienced love before you're going to think that this is but this is the true fact and it's also true that this has nothing to do with relationships we need to be real with ourselves if we want things from others if we need things from others then we don't want love we want a relationship we want to do business and I see nothing wrong with that except the rampant hypocrisy that wants to pretend that that is not what it's doing and that is because wanting a relationship is the right thing to want if you want things from other people and that is because a relationship is the medium through which value is transacted so if you want to do business get yourself down to the marketplace and prepare to barter with what you have to offer and if you want a lot be prepared to bring a lot to the bargaining table and we can do this because let's be honest everything that you can get from another person in a relationship has a transacted value and can be bought that doesn't necessarily mean bought with money but it can mean that you can buy sex you can buy companionship you can buy emotional support and child care and home-cooked meals you can even buy children through adoption or surrogacy you can buy everything that can be transacted in a human relationship however you can't buy love and that is because paradoxically Love is valueless valueless in the sense that it is free and valueless in the sense that it cannot be bought at any price on the other hand if you want love you don't need a relationship why listen carefully if love is wanting the best for the loved one you can only reasonably want a relationship with the loved one if a relationship with you is literally the best possible thing for the loved one and let's be real it probably isn't it probably isn't wanting the best for the loved one therefore generally means sacrificing both the self and the possibility of a relationship that's why Rick Blaine in Casablanca is the Romantic hero par excellence he puts the woman he loves on a plane with another man because he realizes it's better for her that way remember love is not a victory march at least not in any way we're used to speaking about victory but in so doing Rick finally succeeds in humiliating the self which had been mired for years in cynicism and despair and presumably attaining to something higher at the very least we suspect a new beginning is in store the beginning as Louis says of a beautiful friendship I appreciate that this can be hard to understand so feel free to listen to this a few times if you need to but the fact of the matter is is that love has nothing to do with relationships because on the one hand love is valueless and therefore cannot be transacted and on the other love must in any case sacrifice the possibility of a relationship with a loved one since the arrogance of assuming that a relationship with the lover would be the best possible thing for the loved one is antithetical to love as the humiliated self what do you think please let me know in the comments below and if you've gotten this far you might as well like this episode And subscribe to this channel you may also consider becoming a channel member with perks like priority review of comments or booking a paid consultation as usual thank you for listening ...
