Be Irresistible, Click Here Visit Communication in relationships is very important. In this dating and relationships ... You can...
Visit Communication in relationships is very important. In this dating and relationships ...
You can say to someone okay, I understand that, that's how you feel and that's how you saw things, but the way that I saw it was so on and so forth. So, you are acknowledging their perception, you're acknowledging that, that's how they feel while still giving your side of things. (Music) Hey what's up everybody, this is Stephan Labossiere aka Stephan Speaks back with another dating and life and relationship advice video. Today we're going to be talking about communication skills, all right. And more specifically, communication in a relationship. I'm going to give you 7 keys to make it better, to improve it. Now, before we get started as always be sure to like this video, share this video, subscribe to my channel, all right. And below leave me in the comments something that you feel would help people improve their communication. What is one of the complains that you have about bad communication or something that you see. Just give me your feedback and let's talk about it. So, the reality is this, communication is key. I'm sure you've heard that tons of times and you've heard it because it's true. And without proper and effective communication, it is extremely difficult to have not only a healthy relationship, but to experience a successful one. We've got to learn how to talk to each other and how to actively or properly listen and without that again, we will not see positive results. And I've seen tons of relationships through my coaching sessions and just speaking to individuals, I've seen tons of relationships that have failed because of communication issues not because two people could not have worked it out had they simply talked about it and express themselves properly, but since they skipped that step they weren't able to find their resolution. So, I want to help you to improve your communication in a relationship. So, let's get to it, 7 keys. So, key number one, listen to understand not to give a rebuttal. One of the biggest problems when people try to talk to each other is that the person listening is simply waiting for their chance to counter your argument. Is waiting for their chance to hit you back is waiting for their chance to defend themselves or dismiss what you're saying and that is not going to produce healthy communication. When someone is speaking, the goal should be to try to understand them. And if you do not understand you don't go to attacking them you don't go to dismissing them. You go to asking for more clarity, you go to asking more questions to try to dig deeper so that you can have a clearer understanding of how they're feeling and what they are trying to communicate. So, when you are active in trying to understand and decipher what they're expressing, then you can now continue that conversation in a way that brings resolution, all right. There will always be time for a counter argument if it needs to be made, but that cannot be your focus, that cannot be how you're going into that conversation. So, listen to understand not to give a rebuttal. The second key to improving communication in a relationship, you can disagree but do not dismiss. So, one of the things I've seen with a lot of couples or even it can be family members, friends, whatever, is that the minute you hear something that you don't like or the minute that person hears something that they don't like they go to dismissing that individual. Now, understand that no one likes to be dismissed. No one likes to have their feelings and, and, and, and uhh, what they're trying to say in that moment to simply be dismissed and thrown to the side, all right. That feels very disrespectful. And when someone feels disrespected, they're going to get defensive they're going to attack. Now, they're going into battle mode with you rather than now trying to hear you out, but that's because the stage was set through the dismissing of how they felt and what they were saying. So, again, you may not agree with everything the individual is saying to you but you don't have to dismiss it. You can say to someone okay, I understand that, that's how you feel and that's how you saw things, but the way that I saw it was so on and so forth. So, you are acknowledging their perception, you're acknowledging that, that's how they feel while still giving your side of things. This at least shows you're not dismissing them, all right. But again, as I said in number one even when you disagree try to keep an open mind that allows you to gain a better understanding of why they feel that way. When you do and when someone feels like you're at least making an effort to get them, that's going to open up the lines of communication and allow things to be... Create a better more positive environment and it also allows them to stay in line as far as listening and trying to understand you as well. We've got to give what we want to receive back, all right. So, do not dismiss but you are allowed to disagree. And always disagree respectfully and always try to acknowledge their feelings. Acknowledging does not mean agreeing with it, acknowledging does not mean that you're saying they're right. Acknowledging simply says, okay, I get that's how you feel, I get that's what you're saying, I hear you, but now let me present what I'm seeing or how I'm understanding things, all right. And that will lead to a better conversation. Number three key to improving communication in your relationship is to be open and honest. Listen man, all it takes is one lie. And I said man but I mean people, all right. Man or woman all it takes is one lie to ruin a relationship. All it takes is a lack of transparency to create confusion and chaos in any relationship. You want to try to be as open and honest as possible. And here's the thing, nobody is a great liar to where people don't start to pick up on the BS, all right. They don't start to pick up on the fact that you're holding something back typically people do start to sense something's missing here. And that makes them question you more, that creates anxiety, that creates insecurity, that creates a toxic environment in the relationship. So, if you want to have a healthier conversation, a healthier relationship, improve your relationship, then you have to be willing to be honest and transparent. And yes, sometimes that honesty may hurt their feelings, but here's a thing that I've learned, even in hurting their feelings it's much better for them to have to deal with the hurt of the truth than to dwell in the anger of the lie, all right. Because when it comes to lying to them now you create other problems later but in being honest with them even though it hurt them they know they can always come to you for an honest opinion or honest perspective or be you being real with them about what's going on with you. That creates a lot more peace in the relationship. They're going to have to get through that hurt, all right. But again, the chance for you to have a healthy relationship going forward is much higher because you kept it real. So, don't be afraid and again, there's always a way to deliver the honesty that helps soften the blow. But you much better or it's much better for you to be honest and transparent than is for you to hold back, be vague, or to flat out lie. That just creates problems in any situation and any relationship. Number four key that will improve your communication skills and communication in a relationship is don't make the conversation all about you. Listen, if you want people to be engaged to listen, to really try to understand you, then you have to include them in the relationship. It can't just be all about you venting and getting things off your chest just giving your perspective. Now, don't get me wrong there's going to be times where we need to vent, all right. But think about it like this, when you've have people vent to you and all they're doing is just running their mouth and going on and on and on. It's very possible that at some point you tune out, you check out because they're not engaging you in the relationship. They're not also considering how you feel. If it's a conversation about maybe what they want to see improve in the relationship or a problem they had with you previously. But when someone takes the moment to bring you in by whether it's asking your opinion or asking okay, well, how do you feel about things or let me hear your side, your perception of things. That is enough to now reel you in and keep you engaged. So, it's very important that you make the conversation not just about you, all right. And when you do that especially in a romantic relationship, you're going to see better conversation. So, one other quick example I want to give. If you say, we need to have a talk and then you have a talk about things you don't like that they're doing in the relationship. Which listen, you should express yourself and I would never want you to be afraid about letting it be known how you feel but what you should add or what would be effective for you to add is after you've expressed to them what you don't like saying hey, is there anything you don't like that I'm doing? Is there any concerns you want to express to me that I'm going to be open to hearing you out the same way I want you to be open to hearing me out. When you do that and you show it's not all about you, you, you, you. You will now have someone who's not only willing to listen and even be more expressive, but someone who's going to be more mindful of making the adjustments you mentioned, all right. And correcting the behavior because they see that you're truly about improving the relationship and not simply about getting what you feel is important to you and dismissing how they may feel about the situation of the relationship. So, don't make it all about you. Number five is be willing to compromise. There's nothing worse than feeling like you have to talk to someone who's so hard-headed, so stubborn, and only wants things their way. Plain and simple it will cause you to shut down or not even want to speak to that individual. Or again, you may be physically present, but mentally and emotionally you will check out because it's going to always be about them and only doing what they want you to do. So, if you know that it has that kind of effect on you, then you have to be mindful that it will have that kind of effect on them if you're the culprit. And so, you've got to show a willingness to compromise, all right, a willingness to try to find a middle ground. Now granted, some things aren't, there's no compromise for it and that's understandable, but wherever there can be a compromise that can create harmony then be willing to do that. Be willing to be flexible in that way, show that you're willing to find something that works for the both of you rather than just something that works for only you. When you do that again, you are going to now open up the lines of communication, you're going to engage that person more, and you're going to find more positive results after your conversations with that individual. The number six key to improving communication in relationship, pay attention to both their words and their body. So, what we're talking about here is of course body language, all right. And the reality is that we don't only express ourselves verbally, all right. Our mannerisms, our body language can give off messages very clearly. Sometimes, even better than our words are giving depending on how expressive that person is. And so, you want to not just be actively listening, but you want to be aware of their energy, their spirit so to speak. Their mannerism their body language because that's going to help you see deeper into what they're expressing to you at that moment. Now, again, if you're dealing with someone who is very clear and knows how to fully express themselves, then you may have some leeway in this department. But it's always going to be to your benefit especially in a romantic relationship to get in tune with your partner in a way that reads their body language very effectively, all right. Because a lot of times... And for example, you may have a guy and he's with his girl and he can see something is wrong and he'll say well, baby what's wrong with you? And she says nothing, but her body language is showing you something is wrong. Now, that doesn't mean force her to get you, to tell you what's wrong she may not be ready to talk about it. So, in that moment you can say to her because you now picked up on the body language that tells you something is wrong. You can say you know what, it does seem like something's wrong, but I understand if you don't want to talk about it right now. When you're ready let me know, I'm here for you. So, one, you're acknowledging what you're seeing. You're letting her know you're there. Now, she may insist nothing is wrong. But you at least put it out that if there's any time that comes that she is now ready or willing to talk about it, if that happens to be the case, you're there. But not, not just that, it also allows you to now be mindful of what you pour into her going forward. And again, this can go both ways. What I'm saying is, if you feel like her body language is telling you she's upset or she's uncomfortable and her words are telling you no, it's nothing I'm okay. Even if she's not going to talk about it and she's going to dismiss it. If you can tell something's wrong, then don't go acting a fool and pouring negativity into the situation. Like you know now maybe the best thing to do now is to create a more happy environment, maybe the best thing to do now is just to show her love and to counteract that negativity that you see she's holding on to, all right. And that is where you're going to win because you are in tune with her body, her body language, and again, this goes both ways. So, don't just look for the words, pay attention to your partner. And again, this works in any relationship kids, friends, whatever, but I have to say this is extremely important in a romantic relationship, in a marriage. You want to get in tune with your partner and pay attention to their words and their body. And then last on this list of improving communication in a relationship the seventh key is take a loving and positive approach when expressing yourself, all right. So, there's a couple angles to cover here. One, it's not what you say it's how you say it. Many times conversations go left because we have no filter or we're not being mindful of the delivery of our message, all right. And we have to understand that it wasn't what you said that caused the problem, it was how you said it. It was your attitude, it was that negative energy flowing out of your spirit attacking them and slapping them in the face. Even though you may have been speaking calmly, even though you may have been talking properly so to speak, but your energy, your spirit was in a negative place and people can feel that. So, you want to try to come in, into that conversation calm with a more loving approach, all right. And being mindful of how you speak to that person. Do not attack them with your words. Do not attack them with your spirit. You have to speak to them in a way that allows them to be receptive to what you have to say. But what also contributes to that is going into that conversation with a negative or toxic mindset and what I mean by that is sometimes, you come off the wrong way because you went into that conversation saying, they're not going to listen, saying to yourself, this is pointless. Saying to yourself, well, you're still holding on to what they did to you previously. So, you're carrying or projecting this negative outcome And so naturally, you're going to come off negative and now the conversation goes left immediately. You got to go into it believing you can have a positive conversation believing they're going to be willing to listen. Even if it turns out that, they don't, all right. You got to at least come into it with the right mindset. Now, if you're going to say to me, well, the reason why I think that is because every time I try to talk to them it's something negative or they never listen, then I have two things to ask you. One, why the hell are you with them? Number two, have you been coming with a loving and positive approach previously? Because if every other time they would come, they were not receptive to you it's because you came with a bad attitude. Well, then guess what, you need to try the positive attitude first before you write them off, but secondly, if you know you've been putting your best foot forward and you have been expressing yourself effectively, but they're just a person who's not willing to listen then again, why are you with them? If you cannot talk to your partner, how are you going to have a successful relationship? So, you got to evaluate those things, but regardless don't make excuses for coming into the conversation with a negative mindset or again, attacking them with the way that you speak to them. You got to speak in a very loving and calm manner and when you do, you're going to see better and more positive results. So, those are seven keys. Again, I want you in the comment section to list anything that you feel maybe was missing from this list, all right and give your opinion on this content. But again, always be sure to work on your communication skills. It's important that you cultivate an environment in your relationship where you guys can have healthy discussion, healthy disagreement, all right. And find ways to get on the same page and work together. When we learn how to effectively communicate, we will see healthier and more successful relationships. So, do not overlook this, do not dismiss this. You need to work on it and work on it together. So, I hope and pray this video was helpful to you. Again, be sure to subscribe to this channel, like this video, share this video, and I look forward to seeing you in the next one. ...
