My boyfriend (37 years old) of 3 years packed his things and left me (27 years F) 3 days ago. Our relationship has been rocky for the last y...
My boyfriend (37 years old) of 3 years packed his things and left me (27 years F) 3 days ago. Our relationship has been rocky for the last year and a half, as I moved an hour away to a new city to start medical school. He always promised me that he would come with me wherever I ended up, but he changed his mind just a couple of weeks before our move-in date. It was heartbreaking and totally unexpected, like a light switch had been thrown. Then, for the next 1.5 years, he promised that almost every month he would move, but he always made excuses when the time came. Before this, we were very close and in love and practically already lived together: we saw each other and slept at each other’s houses every day. We were best friends. I really thought that he was my soul mate and that we would get married. We initially planned to be together during my medical school and then move west to somewhere to reside where we both eventually want to be. Almost all of his excuses for why he couldn’t move in with me revolved around climbing, skiing, etc. He wanted to move to Colorado so he could climb more often. He travels quite often, and I’ve always been very supportive when he wants to go on a trip, but he said it wasn’t enough time. He did not want to get a 9 to 5 job (currently bartending on weekends) as it limited his flexibility to scale. I know he would never work out if we did long distance, because he’s terrible with planning and texting/calling when he’s not around. On top of this, even though we’ve been living in separate cities for the past 1.5 years, I really only saw him on average 2 days a week (usually a Tuesday/Wednesday or Wednesday/Thursday) due to his bartending schedule (Friday-Sunday). . ) and him wanting to do things with his friends on other days of the week, but of course the only free time I have is on the weekends due to my school schedule, so I hardly ever have time with him. He would always wait to show up quite late at night when he would arrive and leave first thing in the morning on the day he was leaving, so I was usually spending less than 48 hours a week with him, which seemed like than most of the time. he passed in class / sleeping. He got to the point where he just didn’t feel like I was a priority or like he WANTED to spend time with me. He promised me countless times to look for jobs that would allow him to have weekends off to spend with me and take the next step and live together, but he never did. The penultimate straw was when I set a final cap after almost 2 years of this and told him he needed to move out completely (had some random stuff/clothes in here, but not much) by February 1st, or I give up and not anymore. I’m waiting for it. He then he scheduled a vacation in CO for 2 weeks and returned on February 3, which of course had to be understanding. But then, he decided not to see me the weekend he got back, so I drove for an hour to break up with him. But, I’m a pushover and I fell for false promises \*again\* because I guess I wanted to believe them so badly. Well 3 days ago after hardly seeing him this whole month he came to see me for 1 day and during that day he just pouted all the time saying he just wanted to go kickboxing but the gym here is not good. enough. He was upset that it was our only day together and instead of being loving and happy to spend time with me, he was down for a recreational activity again. I told him that I felt that I would never be enough for him. He packed up all his stuff in an hour (1 car load lmao) and left and I haven’t heard from him since. Despite all this, I am ALONGSIDE myself with him leaving. I feel like a cannonball has gone through my chest or my soul has been ripped from my body and he just seems…okay…I’m still madly in love with him and want our future we planned for so long . does still be a reality. I know it all sounds very bad, but he is not a malicious person and there are many things that I deeply love about him. I don’t want it to end, but maybe I made up a false version of him and our relationship in my head and that’s what I’m holding on to… I don’t know. Do you think it’s better to let it go? Will we never speak again? Everything seems surreal to me right now. I texted him the night he left and said I love you and always will. He read it and did not respond. It just seems cruel and so bad to end up this way after all. Any advice or ideas would be helpful. I am in an extreme amount of pain and not sure where to go from here. Thanks if he stayed that long TLDR: My boyfriend of 3 years dumped me because he says supporting me through med school wouldn’t allow him to do the things he enjoys, like rock climbing.
My boyfriend (37 years old) of 3 years packed his things and left me (27 years F) 3 days ago. Our relationship has been rocky for the last year and a half, as I moved an hour away to a new city to start medical school. He always promised me that he would come with me wherever I ended up, but he changed his mind just a couple of weeks before our move-in date. It was heartbreaking and totally unexpected, like a light switch had been thrown. Then, for the next 1.5 years, he promised that almost every month he would move, but he always made excuses when the time came. Before this, we were very close and in love and practically already lived together: we saw each other and slept at each other’s houses every day. We were best friends. I really thought that he was my soul mate and that we would get married. We initially planned to be together during my medical school and then move west to somewhere to reside where we both eventually want to be. Almost all of his excuses for why he couldn’t move in with me revolved around climbing, skiing, etc. He wanted to move to Colorado so he could climb more often. He travels quite often, and I’ve always been very supportive when he wants to go on a trip, but he said it wasn’t enough time. He did not want to get a 9 to 5 job (currently bartending on weekends) as it limited his flexibility to scale. I know he would never work out if we did long distance, because he’s terrible with planning and texting/calling when he’s not around. On top of this, even though we’ve been living in separate cities for the past 1.5 years, I really only saw him on average 2 days a week (usually a Tuesday/Wednesday or Wednesday/Thursday) due to his bartending schedule (Friday-Sunday). . ) and him wanting to do things with his friends on other days of the week, but of course the only free time I have is on the weekends due to my school schedule, so I hardly ever have time with him. He would always wait to show up quite late at night when he would arrive and leave first thing in the morning on the day he was leaving, so I was usually spending less than 48 hours a week with him, which seemed like than most of the time. he passed in class / sleeping. He got to the point where he just didn’t feel like I was a priority or like he WANTED to spend time with me. He promised me countless times to look for jobs that would allow him to have weekends off to spend with me and take the next step and live together, but he never did. The penultimate straw was when I set a final cap after almost 2 years of this and told him he needed to move out completely (had some random stuff/clothes in here, but not much) by February 1st, or I give up and not anymore. I’m waiting for it. He then he scheduled a vacation in CO for 2 weeks and returned on February 3, which of course had to be understanding. But then, he decided not to see me the weekend he got back, so I drove for an hour to break up with him. But, I’m a pushover and I fell for false promises \*again\* because I guess I wanted to believe them so badly. Well 3 days ago after hardly seeing him this whole month he came to see me for 1 day and during that day he just pouted all the time saying he just wanted to go kickboxing but the gym here is not good. enough. He was upset that it was our only day together and instead of being loving and happy to spend time with me, he was down for a recreational activity again. I told him that I felt that I would never be enough for him. He packed up all his stuff in an hour (1 car load lmao) and left and I haven’t heard from him since. Despite all this, I am ALONGSIDE myself with him leaving. I feel like a cannonball has gone through my chest or my soul has been ripped from my body and he just seems…okay…I’m still madly in love with him and want our future we planned for so long . does still be a reality. I know it all sounds very bad, but he is not a malicious person and there are many things that I deeply love about him. I don’t want it to end, but maybe I made up a false version of him and our relationship in my head and that’s what I’m holding on to… I don’t know. Do you think it’s better to let it go? Will we never speak again? Everything seems surreal to me right now. I texted him the night he left and said I love you and always will. He read it and did not respond. It just seems cruel and so bad to end up this way after all. Any advice or ideas would be helpful. I am in an extreme amount of pain and not sure where to go from here. Thanks if he stayed that long TLDR: My boyfriend of 3 years dumped me because he says supporting me through med school wouldn’t allow him to do the things he enjoys, like rock climbing.
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