I don’t care that this is not anonymous. I am the youngest of three girls. My sisters are 34 and 30 years old, both married. We grew up as a...
I don’t care that this is not anonymous. I am the youngest of three girls. My sisters are 34 and 30 years old, both married. We grew up as a perfect and happy LDS family. Or so I thought. I was also home schooled all through elementary school, my mom did a great job.
She taught us well, she was a wonderful homemaker and she was/is extremely creative. Everything changed when I was about 13 years old. My parents separated but we all continued to live in the same 3-story house. My older sister moved out soon after. My mom was in college getting her master’s degree and my dad got extremely sick and depressed. He was in and out of hospitals with surgeries and ultimately lost his job.
I think he stayed home without a job for two years. My other sister moved and it was just me on the third floor, my mom stayed with the main one and my dad was in the basement. I’m probably 15 or 16 now. We never saw each other and most of the time I had to fend for myself. My dad clipped coupons to keep us busy so we always had food.
My mom started dating women and was busy with that and starting her career as a counselor. I found out later that her girlfriend was my parents’ marriage counselor and also the counselor my mother took me to when my parents were going through their separation from her. That woman lost her license. My dad was always home but depressed and distant. They both neglected me for years, but I didn’t realize it until well into adulthood. Back then I thought "great, I can do whatever I want". I dropped out and started smoking weed with my high school boyfriend. I was severely depressed during all of this and I think he was self-harming from the ages of 15 to 18. I’m sure my parents knew but they never told me about it. My sisters, especially the older one, had no idea how bad things were at home. It was like three strangers living in a three story house.
Despite all that, I graduated with honors and applied for loans and colleges without his help. I am now a primary school teacher. My family is extremely close and much healthier than before. My parents are very friendly and my mom has been married to a great woman for several years. I have nothing against my dad because I feel like my real mom screwed him over and caused his depression which caused his health problems.
He was going through a lot, but he still could have been a father when I needed him. However, I have a lot of resentment towards my mother. I still try to be friendly with her, but since Christmas I’ve really drifted away from her and she’s noticed. I don’t share personal things with her or call as much as before.
Yesterday I had dinner at her house and she was great! Later that night, I get a text that says, "Sorry I was a bad mom when you were in high school. I’ve been thinking about it a lot.” She has apologized countless times for being a bad mother before, but never specifically when she was in high school. It’s weird because
I’ve been thinking about it and been angry about it recently. Usually she does this so I can reassure her that she is a good mother, but I can’t this time. She was a horrible mother during that time and I’m still on the mend.
My sisters also have a lot of problems with my mother and have given me advice on how to deal with her. I could give many more examples, but those were the most important ones I’ve been thinking about.
Anyway, I haven’t responded yet. I have to, but I don’t know what to say. If I’m too honest, she’ll crush her. She is a counselor herself, but I don’t think she understands what an impact she has had on me growing up and even now. TLDR; My mom neglected me in high school and sent me a text last night: "I’m sorry I was a bad mom while you were in high school. I’ve been thinking about it a lot.” I don’t know how to respond because I’m still angry a decade later.
I don’t care that this is not anonymous. I am the youngest of three girls. My sisters are 34 and 30 years old, both married. We grew up as a perfect and happy LDS family. Or so I thought. I was also home schooled all through elementary school, my mom did a great job.
She taught us well, she was a wonderful homemaker and she was/is extremely creative. Everything changed when I was about 13 years old. My parents separated but we all continued to live in the same 3-story house. My older sister moved out soon after. My mom was in college getting her master’s degree and my dad got extremely sick and depressed. He was in and out of hospitals with surgeries and ultimately lost his job. I think he stayed home without a job for two years. My other sister moved and it was just me on the third floor, my mom stayed with the main one and my dad was in the basement. I’m probably 15 or 16 now. We never saw each other and most of the time I had to fend for myself. My dad clipped coupons to keep us busy so we always had food. My mom started dating women and was busy with that and starting her career as a counselor. I found out later that her girlfriend was my parents’ marriage counselor and also the counselor my mother took me to when my parents were going through their separation from her. That woman lost her license. My dad was always home but depressed and distant. They both neglected me for years, but I didn’t realize it until well into adulthood. Back then I thought "great, I can do whatever I want". I dropped out and started smoking weed with my high school boyfriend. I was severely depressed during all of this and I think he was self-harming from the ages of 15 to 18. I’m sure my parents knew but they never told me about it. My sisters, especially the older one, had no idea how bad things were at home. It was like three strangers living in a three story house.
Despite all that, I graduated with honors and applied for loans and colleges without his help. I am now a primary school teacher. My family is extremely close and much healthier than before. My parents are very friendly and my mom has been married to a great woman for several years.
I have nothing against my dad because I feel like my real mom screwed him over and caused his depression which caused his health problems. He was going through a lot, but he still could have been a father when I needed him.
However, I have a lot of resentment towards my mother. I still try to be friendly with her, but since Christmas I’ve really drifted away from her and she’s noticed. I don’t share personal things with her or call as much as before. Yesterday I had dinner at her house and she was great! Later that night, I get a text that says, "Sorry I was a bad mom when you were in high school.
I’ve been thinking about it a lot.” She has apologized countless times for being a bad mother before, but never specifically when she was in high school. It’s weird because I’ve been thinking about it and been angry about it recently. Usually she does this so I can reassure her that she is a good mother, but I can’t this time.
She was a horrible mother during that time and I’m still on the mend. My sisters also have a lot of problems with my mother and have given me advice on how to deal with her. I could give many more examples, but those were the most important ones I’ve been thinking about. Anyway, I haven’t responded yet. I have to, but I don’t know what to say.
If I’m too honest, she’ll crush her. She is a counselor herself, but I don’t think she understands what an impact she has had on me growing up and even now. TLDR; My mom neglected me in high school and sent me a text last night: "I’m sorry I was a bad mom while you were in high school. I’ve been thinking about it a lot.” I don’t know how to respond because I’m still angry a decade later.
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