So my wife (40F) and I (40M) had a few fights over the holidays. We have been together 16 years, with 10 years of marriage. We have had stre...
So my wife (40F) and I (40M) had a few fights over the holidays. We have been together 16 years, with 10 years of marriage. We have had stress in the last two years for various reasons. Anyway, we have a couple of blowouts over the holidays that culminate on New Year’s Day.
She has some anxiety so she takes medication and she also had her period that day (she usually has some mood swings at this point). She told me that right now she didn’t love me, that she had settled for the relationship, that she would be better off without me and that she wanted a divorce. She also told me some incredibly terrible things.
We didn’t really talk for the next 2 days outside of very basic one word answers. She said that this was how she wanted to communicate and she felt so much better not having to deal with me. She also told me that she wanted to take a trip that we had talked about with her sister or her mother.
I tried to talk a bit and both days she basically ignored it, she rolled her eyes and went to bed early. Yesterday I was leaving for work and I gave her and the kids a quick kiss goodbye like I usually do (it was a quick peck on the cheek). she has no feelings for me right now, she indicated that that can change, but she wants space to think about it, since she’s not really sure she ever loved me and we probably were never really meant for each other .
I apologized and said that I wanted to be civil and that it wouldn’t happen again. I told her that I understood how she felt, as she had been walking around with a hole in her stomach and a hole in her heart, and as such I could only imagine how she must have felt as well. I reaffirmed my commitment to her and told her that we love each other and have grown apart over the years with a growing family and work stress.
I stressed that she was committed to the relationship and that she would work on myself to be the best version of herself that she could be. She commented that she didn’t know what would happen but she wasn’t afraid to leave.
We were both in tears and ended the call that we would see what happens. She commented multiple times that this was all my fault, I disagree since we both let things fall apart, but I just apologized for the way I acted. She also told me not to talk to anyone about this as it should be a private matter, especially her mother. She indicated that she would not speak to anyone at this time.
Well after that, around lunch, I started getting some texts about little things related to the kids’ schedules and some things that needed to be done. She sent a photo of our youngest son. When I got home, she made me dinner, took out the trash, and after the kids went to bed, she came over and sat on the couch instead of going straight to bed like the nights before.
We had nothing more than small talk, but she talked. I didn’t mention any issues as she had called time earlier that day. When I went to bed I said good night but I didn’t try to kiss him. This morning she had made me coffee and eggs for breakfast and we discussed what needed to be done for the day.
She then called me to say they had picked up the trash after I asked her to let me know if that was the case (we take out a lot of old stuff after spring cleaning and they usually leave stuff behind). She could have texted, but she called and then stayed to talk about a couple of things to do later, too.
She has kept texting about little things, asking me for help. I’m confused as to what she may be thinking. I’m looking for some advice on why she said one thing but she seems to be acting something else so fast.
I’m not sure if she should say something or just give him the space to bring it up first. Any ideas or advice for those in a similar situation would be great. TLDR: My wife and I quarreled a lot, she said that she doesn’t love me and that she wanted to get a divorce. We didn’t communicate for 2 days and now she seems to be communicating; however, I’m confused and she may be reading it wrong.
So my wife (40F) and I (40M) had a few fights over the holidays. We have been together 16 years, with 10 years of marriage. We have had stress in the last two years for various reasons. Anyway, we have a couple of blowouts over the holidays that culminate on New Year’s Day.
She has some anxiety so she takes medication and she also had her period that day (she usually has some mood swings at this point). She told me that right now she didn’t love me, that she had settled for the relationship, that she would be better off without me and that she wanted a divorce. She also told me some incredibly terrible things.
We didn’t really talk for the next 2 days outside of very basic one word answers. She said that this was how she wanted to communicate and she felt so much better not having to deal with me. She also told me that she wanted to take a trip that we had talked about with her sister or her mother.
I tried to talk a bit and both days she basically ignored it, she rolled her eyes and went to bed early. Yesterday I was leaving for work and I gave her and the kids a quick kiss goodbye like I usually do (it was a quick peck on the cheek). she has no feelings for me right now, she indicated that that can change, but she wants space to think about it, since she’s not really sure she ever loved me and we probably were never really meant for each other .
I apologized and said that I wanted to be civil and that it wouldn’t happen again. I told her that I understood how she felt, as she had been walking around with a hole in her stomach and a hole in her heart, and as such I could only imagine how she must have felt as well.
I reaffirmed my commitment to her and told her that we love each other and have grown apart over the years with a growing family and work stress. I stressed that she was committed to the relationship and that she would work on myself to be the best version of herself that she could be. She commented that she didn’t know what would happen but she wasn’t afraid to leave.
We were both in tears and ended the call that we would see what happens. She commented multiple times that this was all my fault, I disagree since we both let things fall apart, but I just apologized for the way I acted. She also told me not to talk to anyone about this as it should be a private matter, especially her mother. She indicated that she would not speak to anyone at this time.
Well after that, around lunch, I started getting some texts about little things related to the kids’ schedules and some things that needed to be done. She sent a photo of our youngest son. When I got home, she made me dinner, took out the trash, and after the kids went to bed, she came over and sat on the couch instead of going straight to bed like the nights before.
We had nothing more than small talk, but she talked. I didn’t mention any issues as she had called time earlier that day. When I went to bed I said good night but I didn’t try to kiss him. This morning she had made me coffee and eggs for breakfast and we discussed what needed to be done for the day.
She then called me to say they had picked up the trash after I asked her to let me know if that was the case (we take out a lot of old stuff after spring cleaning and they usually leave stuff behind). She could have texted, but she called and then stayed to talk about a couple of things to do later, too.
She has kept texting about little things, asking me for help. I’m confused as to what she may be thinking. I’m looking for some advice on why she said one thing but she seems to be acting something else so fast. I’m not sure if she should say something or just give him the space to bring it up first.
Any ideas or advice for those in a similar situation would be great. TLDR: My wife and I quarreled a lot, she said that she doesn’t love me and that she wanted to get a divorce. We didn’t communicate for 2 days and now she seems to be communicating; however, I’m confused and she may be reading it wrong.
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