I (27F) dated this guy (28M) for about a month. We are both in a group of people who occasionally hang out and have dinner together. It’s no...
I (27F) dated this guy (28M) for about a month. We are both in a group of people who occasionally hang out and have dinner together. It’s not my main group of friends, but we’re kind of close. We never really had a conversation about what our intentions were in dating, but it was hinted that we were looking for something serious.
I guess we were trying to figure out if we were a good match and enjoying each other’s company. I wasn’t sure about him yet, but I started to like him a lot. After our last date (date number 10 or so), I decided that I was comfortable enough to have sex with him.
He started it earlier, but I wasn’t ready yet. The sex was a bit awkward, but I made a point of the fact that we were tired/nervous. I didn’t mind. I figured we needed to get used to each other, and we’d talk about it next time. We texted for a bit after our last date, but when I asked if he wanted to date again, there was no answer. He’s on vacation for a few weeks now, and I haven’t heard from him yet. I need advice on what to do with the group of friends.
We’re meeting this weekend and they know we’re/were dating. If they ask about it, can I throw him under the bus and tell them the truth and say that he dumped me after we had sex? I understand that people can lose interest or decide that someone is not for them.
I just wanted you to let me know. Tl;dr: the guy/friend he was dating upstaged me after the sex. He’s on vacation and I’m meeting our group of friends this weekend. Should I be honest with them about what happened, if they ask me? Or wait for him when he returns from vacation and try to talk to him in person? UPDATE: So, he texted me today.
I wanted to share it with all of you as it is a perfect example of how assumptions and miscommunication can ruin a budding relationship. He apologized and acknowledged that he was wrong not to respond for a week.
Basically, it was all a bit overwhelming for him. We went on 10 dates in a month where we had a lot of deep conversations, had a lot of fun, and really got to know each other. He usually likes more casual hookups, so I’m guessing he was confused with the dynamics of a relationship where there’s actually an attempt to make an emotional connection before sex.
When sex finally happened, he put a lot of pressure on it. So when it wasn’t mind blowing amazing, he felt like he let me down. Which made him a bit confused/conflicted about his strong feelings. Then, there were a few days where we were able to see each other before his trip, but he wasn’t ready to see us so soon.
On the other hand, he also felt scared by the fact that he couldn’t see me for 3 weeks while he was on vacation. I guess his temporary coping mechanism was to “ignore the problem and deal with it later”.
But 1 week into his vacation, and he realized that this is not the right path. I replied that I understood, and we will talk when he returns. Right now, I’m super hesitant, and a little turned off by emotional immaturity and lack of communication, but we’ll see where he goes.
I (27F) dated this guy (28M) for about a month. We are both in a group of people who occasionally hang out and have dinner together. It’s not my main group of friends, but we’re kind of close. We never really had a conversation about what our intentions were in dating, but it was hinted that we were looking for something serious.
I guess we were trying to figure out if we were a good match and enjoying each other’s company. I wasn’t sure about him yet, but I started to like him a lot. After our last date (date number 10 or so), I decided that I was comfortable enough to have sex with him. He started it earlier, but I wasn’t ready yet. The sex was a bit awkward, but I made a point of the fact that we were tired/nervous. I didn’t mind. I figured we needed to get used to each other, and we’d talk about it next time.
We texted for a bit after our last date, but when I asked if he wanted to date again, there was no answer. He’s on vacation for a few weeks now, and I haven’t heard from him yet. I need advice on what to do with the group of friends.
We’re meeting this weekend and they know we’re/were dating. If they ask about it, can I throw him under the bus and tell them the truth and say that he dumped me after we had sex? I understand that people can lose interest or decide that someone is not for them. I just wanted you to let me know. Tl;dr: the guy/friend he was dating upstaged me after the sex.
He’s on vacation and I’m meeting our group of friends this weekend. Should I be honest with them about what happened, if they ask me? Or wait for him when he returns from vacation and try to talk to him in person? UPDATE: So, he texted me today.
I wanted to share it with all of you as it is a perfect example of how assumptions and miscommunication can ruin a budding relationship. He apologized and acknowledged that he was wrong not to respond for a week. Basically, it was all a bit overwhelming for him.
We went on 10 dates in a month where we had a lot of deep conversations, had a lot of fun, and really got to know each other. He usually likes more casual hookups, so I’m guessing he was confused with the dynamics of a relationship where there’s actually an attempt to make an emotional connection before sex.
When sex finally happened, he put a lot of pressure on it. So when it wasn’t mind blowing amazing, he felt like he let me down. Which made him a bit confused/conflicted about his strong feelings. Then, there were a few days where we were able to see each other before his trip, but he wasn’t ready to see us so soon.
On the other hand, he also felt scared by the fact that he couldn’t see me for 3 weeks while he was on vacation. I guess his temporary coping mechanism was to “ignore the problem and deal with it later”. But 1 week into his vacation, and he realized that this is not the right path.
I replied that I understood, and we will talk when he returns. Right now, I’m super hesitant, and a little turned off by emotional immaturity and lack of communication, but we’ll see where he goes.
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